Our love is the real thing
by Andrea Jacobs
Summary: Severus becomes Hermione's guardian and she's got to live with him in his quarters. A new kind of relationship developes.. Hermione's 6th year at Hogwarts
1. Prologue

Prologue

Hermione Granger opened the door slowly and dropped the invisibility-cloak down on the floor without any sound. Thanks God the room was empty. Her steps echoed quietly when she headed to the balcony. She went as far she could come and climbed up on the rail.

Her eyes lifted to the moon which was half-covered by clouds. This was the last time she would see it, she thought, while a tear dropped from her eyes and landed on the floor. She allowed her eyes to gaze at the grounds one last time before she closed her eyes and was ready to take her life's last step. The step to death.

All of a sudden two strong arms carried her down on the balcony. She opened her eyes and found Professor Severus Snape standing in front of her.   
"Why?" she asked angrily. This wasn't time for rescue. She didn't want to be rescued.

"What the hell are you doing at the rail this time at night? You could have died if you'd take one more step." Severus snorted.

"Idiot. That was the point." The respect she usually had for teachers was gone.

"Don't you dare call me that again. Five points from Gryffindor for insulting a teacher. This isn't the right moment for you to commit suicide. I can assure you that there still are people who want you alive, Miss Granger. Don't you think?" He went inside again and sat down on a chair, in the dark classroom, which usually was used for the education of astronomy.

Hermione followed him inside and sat down next to Severus.

"What made you to those thoughts, Hermione?" Severus asked contemplative. Poor little girl. Thinking of suicide when you're 16 is bad, really bad. She doesn't deserve such a bad life. For the first time Snape felt compassion for a student. And why on earth had he called her by her given name?

"None of your business, Sir." She broke their eye-contact and glanced on the door behind him.

"Miss Granger?" He tried to get eye-contact with her but she refused to. "Please look at me?"

The Professor put his hand on her shoulder and she turned her eyes to him.

"Just leave me alone." She mumbled.

"I can't, Miss Granger. It's one of a teacher's duties to talk to students if they've problems, like you seem to have." She nodded and blinked away some tears. "You don't have to tell me anything. But, promise me that you won't try to commit suicide again, all right?" Severus said certainly and frowned.

Hermione nodded again and sighed.

"You won't tell anyone, will you?" She asked insecurely.

"I won't. You ought to go back to bed now. Time's already four a.m. The fact that you are a school-prefect doesn't mean that you don't have to be in your dormitory at night, as I'm sure you know." Severus thought for a second what he would say next. "And. Um If there's anything you wanna talk about; you can always tell me. You know that?"  
"Yeah. Thank you, Sir." Hermione didn't make any move; she just sat there ready to cry in any minute. She did even feel that sad she didn't even notice Severus, her potions Master, was actually being nice to her.

"Hermione? You haven't got raped, have you?" He raised his eyebrows. Whoa, Snape was actually worried about a student. Sensation!

"Nah. I'm fine thank you."

"Good. Go get some sleep now, before I'll deduct points from Gryffindor. I'd like to have a talk to you tomorrow in my office at lunchtime, Miss Granger."

"Okay, Sir. I'll be there." Hermione nodded and smiled a forced smile.

"Goodnight, Her... Um, Miss Granger." He squeezed her shoulder and left Hermione alone with her thoughts.


	2. Chapter 1

**Sorry..**

**Chapter 1 – I've seen your face a thousand times, have all your stories memorized**

"Silence! So here we are again. I guess you suppose this year will be quite easy, because your N.E.W.T:s aren't coming up before next year, that's why I tell you now once for all that it won't. Your N.E.W.T:s are coming up next year so you better pay good attention this year. I hope that at least some of you have been studying during the long break." Severus took a deep breath and continued while he saw that Granger-girl was nodding in agreement. She seemed quite normal today. "Today and the following lessons are we going to revise some of the most important potions from your fifth year." This was surely the millionth time he told the students of the sixth year that. He didn't even have to think about what he was talking about. Instead his thoughts were far away from the lesson, thinking about how mature the Granger-girl was. She looks so much… older after the summer. So grown up, but she looked kind of sad. But that wasn't strange at all, after what he'd been attesting last night. "Mr Weasley, Mr Potter, could you please pay any attention?" He added sharply. Draco Malfoy laughed as always when Potter and Weasley got scolded.

"Yes Sir."

"Sorry, Professor." Potter mumbled and continued talking with Weasley, but now he was whispering.

"Back to the lesson. Today are we going to do the potion we were doing last term, some of you won't remember it though, I suppose." Severus added, gazing on the Gryffindors.

Thirty minutes later, Severus was watching the students while they were doing their potions.

"Um. Miss Granger, I'd like you to concentrate more. Your standard use to be a lot better than this." Severus said sharply. "But you're still pretty good, though." He hissed while blinking at her. Her potion was perfect, as always, but her mood wasn't in that shape it used to. Maybe she'd just changed over the summer.

"Yes, Professor." Hermione mumbled and wondered why that greasy git was nice to her. Okay, he wasn't a greasy git, but he was still on the top of her disliking-list.

"Mr Finnigan. How many times do I have to tell you to look at the board for the recipe? Do not look on anything else when making this complicated potion! Normally, it would have been blue at this moment, like Miss Granger's, but your potion seems to be purple. I'll take 15 points from Gryffindor 'cause of you." Severus sighed; some of these students were so in-competent. He had such a bad luck to have to teach them. There were just like three good students in this class of sixth-graders.

Fifteen minutes later, Severus finished the lesson. "Those of you who didn't do very well today, like Mr Finnigan and Miss Parkinson, will have to write an essay about this potion to next class. Miss Granger, I'd like to have a talk to you now please. Class dismissed!" Severus glanced on the students who were on their way out of the dungeons, very happy the class was finished. Too bad he had to have these stupid students another year. He waited 'till the last person had stepped out of the room, except Hermione, and then he locked the door.

"Miss Granger."

"Yes, Professor? You wanted to tell me something." Hermione said nervously. She just wanted to leave and go to her next lesson. Although her Professor looked very charming, sorry, ugly she wanted to leave as fast as possible. The classroom wasn't such welcoming, with the dark walls and no windows.

"The Headmaster asked us to his office as soon as possible. I guess we'll leave now. He's expecting us probably. I have no clue at all what he wants us both, though. And, I blew off our little meeting later." Severus explained fast, with a very reserved voice.

"Okay, Professor. Let's go then."

"Oh. Hello Severus, hello Hermione. I've been waiting for you. Thanks for coming this soon. Have a seat." Albus gestured welcoming on two chairs next to his desk.

All the portraits on the walls stared at them, curious of what Albus was going to tell Severus and Hermione.

"Hi Albus." Severus nodded and sat down on the left of the chairs.

"Hi, Professor." Hermione greeted and sat down next to Severus. She hadn't been to the headmaster's office many times, although she was a prefect. The room was very interesting and charming, and Hermione had done anything to read some of those books in the bookcases. The sun sent a very welcoming light over the room and made it look very comfortable, which it truly would have been, if one just replaced some of the magic stuff.

"So… I guess you wonder why I wanted you two to come. The thing is that you, Hermione, are in great danger. Some reasons have made me think the Death-eaters are going to capture you if they'll get a chance. Thanks to Severus here I know their plans. They want Harry to come looking for you. You're more like bait. So we've to do something to be sure you're safe." Albus explained slowly, looking for Hermione's reaction, which wasn't big.

"So why am I involved in this little meeting?" Severus demanded, rolling his thumbs. He hadn't time for this at all.

"Because, I need a guardian for Hermione. Someone who has great magic-crafts, like you."

"You don't want me to be her guardian, do you?" Severus scowled and his face turned even whiter than it already was. No way was he going to be her guardian. He grabbed the arm rests harder and his knuckles became white.

"That's exactly what I want, Severus." Albus said, chuckling. Maybe Severus was a stubborn, but he knew he would take good care of Hermione.

"I can tell you once for all, I'm not going to be _her_ guardian. No way!" Severus protested. His face tensed of the anger he felt against Albus. How the hell could that old fool think he would agree to his little suggestion?

"What do you have against her, Severus? Go on, tell me and Hermione." Albus raised his eyebrows, surprised how childlike Severus could be sometimes.

"I… um. Damn it, I don't wanna take care of a little child, for God's sake!" He blushed.

"I'm not a little child!" Hermione protested angrily. "And what exactly does this mean? Do I have to have _him_ around me all the time? You're kidding headmaster, aren't you? Please say you are." Hermione blushed. "I didn't mean it was something wrong with him.. I just."  
"I'm here you know." Severus raised his eye-brows. "Just to your knowledge, it's not a chance I'm going to be your guard. No chance at all. You can calm down."

"Hermione, to answer your question. This only means you have to um. live in Severus' quarters. You can still go to your lessons, and be in the Common room with all your friends, 'till like 9 pm. You have to be down there after 9 pm, otherwise I wouldn't be sure you're safe. Oh, and, you're not allowed to be outside the castle without Severus or me. That's the only way that could make me sure you're safe. Severus, nothing you say can change the situation. She's got to live with you, and that's it." Albus explained, quite amused.

Hermione didn't see the amusing in this situation, nor did Severus. They both were thinking of how awful their lives were going to be with the other one around.

"What makes you think that I'll accept to have her in my private rooms?" Severus snapped.

"I'm sure this will be alright to you. You just have to give it a chance. It's for Hermione's best."

"What makes you think that I'm going to live with that greasy git?" As fast she'd pronounced those words, she regretted them. "Sorry. Um. I do want to live up in the Gryffindor tower you know, with my friends."  
"Meeting finished. I'll get your stuff moved down before the evening, Hermione. See you two at lunch." With that Albus declared the discussion concluded.


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 – You're the one I want and it's not just a phase**

This can't be true; it has to be a bad dream, it has to! Please wake me up! Just say this is a bad dream and everything will be fine.

Of course she knew deep inside of her that this wasn't a dream but she still tried to convince herself that it was.

"Someone pinch me." Hermione muttered, feeling really low. The fact that she will have to live with Snape was the worse she could ever think about. The dungeons weren't quite nice either. Everything was wrong! Damn Dumbledore. How the hell did the old fool think this was going to work?

She walked into the Common room and found Ron and Harry playing wizard-chess. The room was filled with students, as usually in the afternoons, which made the room-temperature very hot. The fireplace had no use at all this time of the day, though it took part of the cosy look the room had. All the sofas were in the same colours, red with golden pillows. As usually the candles were lit and they gave the room a comfortable light.

"Hey guys!" Hermione greeted tiredly and sat down next to Ron. "You have no clue at all what I'm going to tell you. The worse thing that could possibly happen I guess." She sighed.

"Go on. Tell us. It can't be that worse, huh?" Harry said and moved the knight to another place at the chessboard.

"Wait. I think I know what's going on. You've got detention, right?" Ron joked.

"It's not funny. Not at all!" Hermione groaned. "I have to move down to Snape's quarters. Dumbledore says I'm in great danger or something. He thinks you-know-who wants to capture me, to make you, Harry, leave Hogwarts and go looking for me. Crazy, huh?" She whined.

"Are you kidding?" Ron laughed, thinking this was a joke. "You nearly got me."

"Not I'm not joking, silly!" Hermione said, annoyed of how Ron could be so slow sometimes.

"But why do you have to live in his quarters!" Ron asked.

"Because he'll be my guard. I can just be here in the Common room 'till like 9 pm from now. After that, I have to be down there. And I'm not allowed to go outside the castle without him or Dumbledore. That's really crazy, I know, but that's the way it is."

"Man, I'm so sorry for you. How long do you have to live there?" Harry asked in compassion.

"I have no idea. Guess 'till Dumbledore thinks I'm safe. He doesn't even listen to me when I say I can take care of myself." Hermione grumbled.

"Dumbledore use to know the best, after all. He's worried for you; otherwise he wouldn't make Snape to your guard." Harry said sententious as always. "What does Snape think about all this? Guess he's not too happy. How did Dumbledore make him agree to this?" he sneered.

"He doesn't agree." Hermione smirked. "Dumbledore hadn't even asked him before I got to know it. Snape doesn't agree at all… so I think I have some really boring weeks in front of me." She sighed. "Anyways, let's talk about something else for the last.. um.." She watched her wrist-watch. "Three Snape-free hours I have today. Dinner would be fine now, don't you think?"

Hermione knocked at Severus' office door nervously. She had just been in his office once, in her second year when she was stealing an ingredient for a potion.

Severus opened the door and asked her to come in. Hermione hoped the room she was going to live in wasn't like his office. The dark office was the last place in the world she wanted to be in, it was so dark and un-welcoming. All the murky potions on the shelves made the room very strange, also the smell was strange. It smelled very musty, and not even the burning fire

in the fireplace could make the room look nice.

"Good evening, Miss Granger." Severus muttered and sat down in his chair. "Guess you want me to show you where you're going to sleep. I just want to clear up some things first." He tilted himself deeper back in the chair.

"Yes, Sir." Hermione nodded.

"You mustn't bring any of your friends into your room, and do not tell anybody how do you go to my rooms either, okay? I'm sure none of us like this situation, but we have to do the best of it, though it's hard." He grinned.

"Yes, Professor."

"To come to my room, you just take a little floo-powder over you, from the little bowl there." Severus pointed on a small, blue bowl next to the fireplace. "Then walk through the fire in my fireplace. You don't have to say anything, just walk through it. Follow me." He muttered and held out the floo-powder-bowl to her.

The Professor's living room was not as she'd expected, not at all. Hermione had expected the room in dark colours, and with very un-comfortable furniture. She had thought the bookcases would be filled with different potions, like his office, but instead they were filled with books. She did even recognize some of the books as muggle-books. The smell wasn't bad as the office either, actually the room felt like a home, which was more than she'd ever hoped for. The two sky-blue sofas were puffy and were surely very comfortable. In a corner there was a big chair, with a lamp next to it, perfect for reading all those interest books. The blue-patterned carpet matched the beige walls and the fireplace they'd arrived from. In another corner, there was a desk with loads of papers. The big room had paintings everywhere and Hermione discovered, to her surprise, that her Professor might be very interested of art.

Wait, she was going to dislike all this, wasn't she?

"So... Here's the living room as you see." Severus gestured on the room they were in. "The bathroom is over there." He pointed on a door with the sign "WC" on it. "My room is over there, and your room is next to it. And. Um. You see the black door beside the desk?"

"Yeah?" Hermione became curious of what must be in there, something secret probably. Otherwise he wouldn't have mentioned it for her in that way.

"Do never enter it, Miss Granger. Never." Severus hissed.

"I won't. Oh, may I ask if I can borrow any of the books? They all look very interesting to me." Hermione blushed, surprised of her courage to ask that question.

"Yes, this is your place too now, Miss Granger, for a couple of weeks." Severus said dejected.

"Thanks a lot, Sir." Hermione smiled.

"It's okay, Miss Granger." He nodded to her.

"Just call me Hermione please. That's my name after all." Hermione begged.

"Okay, Hermione. If it makes you more comfortable, you may call me Severus. But of course just when we're here, otherwise I will have to deduct points from Gryffindor."

Severus couldn't understand himself sometimes. Why was he having this silly conversation with know-it-all-Granger? "Now excuse me, I got better things to do." _Wrong. _He didn't have better things to do than talking to Hermione. At least that was what he truly wanted, deep inside. But as always, his brain won, never his heart. Severus went to the desk, and started to sort out all the papers in piles.

Hermione thought she should check out her room, very curious how it looked like. Now when she'd seen the living room, she wasn't very surprised when she saw her room. It was a cosy room, a big red bed, a desk, and a dark-brown wardrobe. Beside the bed there was a window, probably done with magic to light up the room. She found that all her clothes already were put in the wardrobe, probably by the elves, and her school books were on the desk. The fact that Severus was having pretty good taste was surprising. Maybe these weeks weren't going to be like hell… just almost, Hermione thought.


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Don't go away, my love**

"Can I come in?" Severus knocked at Hermione's door.

As the good girl she was, she'd been studying for the past three hours. She was nearly finished and was happy of being disturbed in her work; she needed a break after all.

"Yeah, of course." Hermione replied, closing her book and watched her professor entering the room.

"You're studying?" Severus pointed on the pile of five or six books on the desk. "Then I guess I'll leave you to finish your work." He ran a hand through his hair.

"No, I mean, yes… Um…I was studying but I need a break. So… If there's anything…" Hermione blushed of her inability of speaking clean.

"Oh, I was just wondering if you'd like a cup of tea in the living room." He snorted.

"I'd like that." Hermione said frankly.

Ten minutes later, they were sitting in the living room, she drinking tea and he drinking fire whiskey. Not a word was said, except from polite phrases like "thank you" and "you're welcome". In short, there was an awkward silence.

"Erm.. Hermione?" Severus cleared his throat. "What on earth were you thinking of last night?" He couldn't resist of asking that question. All he could think about was how he was able to help her, to make her feel better. Uh. 'I'm acting like a silly school-boy' he thought.

"I…" The words were failing her for the first time of her life. "I don't know…"

"I'm sure you know." He doubted her. Severus took a big gulp of fire whiskey and almost forced Hermione's eyes to meet his glance. "Your life can't be that worse you want to kill yourself huh? I mean, have your boyfriends abandoned you? I doubt that." He was trying to make her talk through provoking her.

"Shut up! You don't know anything, about my life." Hermione shouted and tried not to cry. "And, why…" Her voice failed her. "Why I was up in that fucking tower last night to kill myself is none of your business!" Tears were welling up in her eyes. She stood up and ran in to her bedroom, where she fell down on the bed, crying.

"Fine. I was trying to help you, that's all." He shouted after her and swept the glass of whiskey.

Severus sat in the big chair in the living room later that evening, a glass of fire whiskey in hand. No matter how he tried, he couldn't push the image of that girl from his mind. The sight of her was enough to drive him mad. She was a student for Merlin's sake! Not just any student, none other than Harry Potter's little sidekick that infuriating know-it-all Granger.

What if he'd run after her? He just didn't want to do anything he'd maybe regret later. Now, afterwards he regretted that he didn't run after her before.

"Uh.. Thinking more of that girl will kill me. I need to see her.." He mused, as he stood up and walked over to her room.

Without knocking on her door he went in to her room and found her buried in a book. Her hair was just as bushy as always, but her face… The mascara wasn't just on the eyelashes anymore; it was all over the eyes. There were wet powder-stripes on her face; you could really see how the tears had been flowing along her face. When she saw her professor entering the room she grabbed her blanket and tried to clean up her face, though she knew he'd already seen her.  
"Um. Hi." He sat down beside her on the bed. "I just wanted to inform you that I won't tolerate such behaviour from you." His voice was as chilly as ever.

"I owe you an apologize Sir. I won't lose my temper like that one more time." She still refused to meet his glance. Instead she was staring at the painting behind him, which portrayed a young man and a young woman running together along a field. The couple was waving their hands to Hermione when they discovered she was watching them and she turned her eyes away from them.

"Good. Then I expect you not to." Severus sighed and watched her face carefully. "I want a good explanation for yesterday… Or otherwise I will have you to tell me under influence of Veritaserum, which I'm sure you don't want to…" He added and chuckled.

"Fine. I just don't get why you're so interested in my private life… 'Cause that's really none of your business!" She raised her eye brows and met his glance for a moment.

"Duh. You think I'm interested in your life? No way. I'm not. But, I don't think the Headmaster would like you to die. And, if you would, I guess everyone would blame it on me…" Severus answered in his most silky voice.

"Oh. I get it. You just care about yourself. Well. I'll tell you, but then you must promise not to tell anyone." Hermione felt it like a stone dropped down in her stomach. Like she had just got a big fat stone to carry around. But she didn't know why, why was she disappointed?

"I'll carry it to my grave." He rolled his eyes in preponderance.

"Good then. Well… um. It started last term, after the Christmas holiday. I don't think you noticed, but Ron and Harry ditched me. But I'm sure you know I've not a lot of girl friends. So… There I was all by myself. I didn't eat for like three days, I went to the hospital wing for a few days 'cause I fainted... Of course Ron and Harry found out that they would fail in every single subject if I didn't help them with their homework, so they started hang out with me again. But that occurrence made me see what Harry and Ron see in me. They don't like me, they just hang out with me 'cause I help them with their homework. So.. um." For the love of God, why was she telling Severus all this? He was her most hated professor; okay she had never really hated him, but anyways. He didn't need to know all this. All of a sudden she heard herself continue her little story, though with a more strained voice now. "I started eat less and less, started losing weight. I weighed as least around 90 lbs (A/n Around 40 kg) which is way too little for a 15-year-old. Professor McGonagall noticed I was losing more and more weight and forced me to eat. Still I felt worse and worse 'cause no one did actually notice how I was feeling. Sure, McGonagall thought I was losing weight because I worked too hard… It became summer and I went home, Ron and Harry didn't even bother to answer the letters I sent them… The only contact I had with the wizard-world was through Hagrid and the Daily Prophet. I was sure no one would understand how I was feeling so I kept it all for myself. Not even Mum and Dad noticed anything. I started cutting myself in my arms… and…" Hermione focused her eyes on a spot on the bed, disgraced.

"Oh lord…" Severus was shocked of hearing her story as he nodded her to continue.

"Now when I went back to Hogwarts, I was too tired to ask Ron and Harry 'bout the letters so I let it fall down and they acted as normal. I'm sick and tired of my fucking life so I went to the Astronomy-tower last night to… Yeah, you know the rest." She sighed.

"Dear Merlin. May I ask a few questions? Please be honest." He didn't wait for her answer. "Are you still cutting yourself in your arms? How much to you weigh now? Am I the one who knows about this?" _God say I'm not. _Poor, poor girl. Severus truly felt sorry for her, though he didn't know why. She was just a student after all.

"Um. Y-yeah… Oh, now I guess I'm around 110 lbs (A/n Around 49 kg)." Severus sighed in relief. "Yep… I haven't told anyone else. I shouldn't have told you either, but you made me to." She said, quite annoyed.

"Thanks God I did. Hermione, if this will continue you will die, whether you want it or not. Someone's got to help you; at least I have to make you to stop hurt yourself."

For the first time ever, Severus smiled gently to a student.


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 – You're only almost here**

Hermione Granger's dairy:

_Dear Dairy 2 September – 1997_

_Uh I don't know where to begin… Today was a very strange day. Hmm… Let's take it from the beginning…_

_I had potions as first class today; it was just like every single potion class except that Sev, sorry, Snape told me I was good at making potions… I mean, he never encourages anyone! That's weird._

_After that lesson, I was called to the headmaster's office, with Snape (!)… Probably the worse thing that could happen happened! Snape's going to be my guard, because Dumbledore thinks you-know-who wants to capture me… So I've got to live in Snape's quarters from this day… _

_So, now I'm sitting here, in this empty room, in Snape's quarters, writing. This room is pretty nice though... Not as I'd expected anyways. _

_He, Severus, was in here for like 15 minutes ago. He was acting strange, really strange. He asked me about last evening, when I was going to… Anyways, the weirdest thing is that he seemed to care, about me… That's weird. Really weird. It will be interesting if I get to know another Severus than the ice-cold man. I don't think he is that cold deep inside, somewhere deep inside him there must be something nice. Whoa, this sounds like a poem or something… hehe… Well, he made me tell me about my life, maybe I can make him to tell me about his life, because that would be really interesting._

_For Merlin's sake, why am I writing this much about him of all people? I don't even like him… Not at all! _

_All this is so crazy. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sick of my life, of everything. _

_Mum once said that I would find the light where I at least expected it. I just don't know where. _

_I just hope I'll find it soon. Really soon. _

_I can't stand this life anymore… If it won't be better I can always leave it. Or I could. Now I've promised Severus not to thinking of do it again… Anyways, since when do I have to listen to him? But maybe I could wait… I just don't know for how long, because I'm really tired of living my life like this. _

_I think I shall go to bed now. Time's nearly 11 pm and I'm quite tired. And I don't want Severus to be angry with me for staying up too late. Huh? I wrote wrong. Damn, this is ink! What I meant was that I have to go to bed now because I'm tired. Not cause of other reasons. _

_See you tomorrow! _

_Love, Hermione_

Hermione put the little, blue, book on her bedside table and turned off the lamp. The bed was warm and cosy but she felt cold. As she always did nowadays. Her body was relaxed but her brain was thinking as much as ever. 99 of her thoughts were about Severus, and the rest 1 were about why she was thinking about him… Her thoughts almost drove her crazy, and she didn't know why she was thinking so much about him… He was just a teacher after all. Nothing more, she thought and felt disappointed. But she didn't know why…

Finally she fell into a worried sleep full of dreams.

"Good morning, Sir, I mean Severus." Hermione yawned as she saw Severus sitting in the living room.

"Good morning, Hermione. I think we shall go to breakfast now, since I mustn't leave you, we will have to eat each meal in the same time. Get it? Now, come. I don't wanna stay here all day. Ladies first." Severus muttered and gestured to Hermione to walk in to his office, and then he followed her. "Quickly. May I remind you that I have lessons soon?" He pushed her shoulder, to make her go faster, and felt a strange feeling that he hadn't felt for many years…

"And so do I." Hermione blinked at him. Why didn't Severus let her shoulder go? Not as it felt bad, not at all. She just didn't dare to say she liked it. That was wrong phrase to say to a teacher, completely wrong.

"I wonder why Dumbledore chose you as my guard…" Hermione said, thinking the same thing.

"And so do I. But now when it is like this and we can just do the best of it. Even if it's you, I have to follow my orders from the Headmaster, after all."  
Hermione nodded in agreement. "Um. Do you have to follow me around the castle after school too? Do you have to accompany me in the Common room later?" She asked.

"Unfortunately, yes. Just to your knowledge, I dislike this situation as much as you do." He lied and whole his energy was focused on hiding his feelings. His rigid face stared at Hermione; her movements had never seemed so graceful before. Suddenly he became aware of all his movements, like he didn't want to do anything wrong. He knew that all he wanted was to pull her in to a hug, but that was impossible. After all, he'd promised himself not to fall in love again. Promises were made to be followed.

"Hey guys!" Hermione greeted with a sigh and sat down next to Ron and Harry.

The Great Hall was full of students, as always at breakfast-time. Students from all houses went in and out of the huge doors all the time and made the room hard to speak in because the sound was so loud.

"Hi Herm…" Ron said while eating a big sandwich.

"Morning 'Mione. How was the first night, down there?" Harry asked.

"Is a punishment for him in a need? Shall I punch him for you? I'd love that." Ron joked and laughed.

"Of course not you silly idiot. Um, it was okay. I did just see him the first two minutes. Then he was inside his room all by himself I guess.." Hermione lied quickly while making a sandwich.

"Um Herm? Why was his hand on your shoulder?" Harry asked thoughtfully.

"Oh well." 'Why in the bloody hell did they have to notice?' she thought. "Uh, he just you know, I guess he takes this guard-thing really serious, though I don't know why." She laughed nervously.

"Ah okay. We just don't want you to have boring down there. Are you sure I don't need to punch him? It would be fun, totally bloody crazy. We could like play a prank on him. Like if…" Ron laughed, quite satisfied with the thought.

"Aww Stop being so damn childish! I'm not going to play a prank on him, why would I do that? He's not that awful. Just because he dislikes you doesn't mean you have to destroy his life."  
"Oh. Not like he wouldn't hesitate to do anything to make our lives worse. Hey why do you defend him?" Harry laughed scornfully and took a big gulp of his pumpkin juice.

"For God's bloody sake. You guys are 16, but you act like a 9-year-old. I want to be head girl next year, and I don't wanna ruin my abilities to become one, just 'cause of your stupid prank. And, if he would find out, these weeks would be much worse for me. I'm not defending anyone; I just like to live my life fair. I just don't think a prank would be better for anyone. Now please excuse me. I gotta go." She stood up as she saw Severus walking towards her.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 – Play it straight**

"So how was your day, Hermione?" Severus asked nonchalantly. He sank deeper in to the sofa and took a gulp of his fire whiskey.

It was afternoon; they had just arrived to Severus' living room after the last lesson was finished. The darkness fell over the castle like a dark mist, and when one was here under the ground it felt even darker. The lights gave the room a cosy light especially over the sofas, which they sat down in.

"It was quite alright I guess. Though Ron and Harry make me feel sick of their childishness. I can't stand them. Except that, the day was okay. How was your day?" She said, hoping she didn't sound too conceit with herself when she talked about Ron and Harry.

"Oh, that wasn't particularly new. Good that you've realized it. My day was just as normal. Nothing special, except that I have to escort you everywhere." He poured more whiskey in his glass and put the bottle on the table again.

"Yeah I see. Are you kind of dependent with whiskey?" She asked frankly. "I mean you even drink it in the afternoon."

To her amazement, her teacher started to laugh. Not a particularly warm one, but it was a laugh.

"Well, that would be a great rumour. The hated potions teacher is dependent of whiskey. No, not really. I just drink it when I feel for it, like now." 'And when I don't feel comfortable' he thought. "This sort isn't a very strong one either."

"Uh-huh. I see. I would be surprised if you were, because I don't remember anytime I've seen you drunk… And that includes some nights too, since I'm a prefect."

"I'm not that stupid I would run along the corridors at night, drunk." He sighed.

"Of course not. But whiskey and other types of alcohol have effects on your body. It infects one's brain, the balance sense doesn't work so well and one gets tired. And of course, it can cause illness. But I guess you know all that already, don't you?"

"Ah I forgot, the know-it-all knows better. Silly girl, of course I'm aware of that. And why the hell are we talking about my alcohol-habits? That's none of your business. Oh, after you told me that, I'm quite certain you've been drunk too." He smiled cunningly.

"Well, if I've been it or not, that's none of your business." She suddenly found herself staring at Severus' hands. They were beautiful she realized.  
"Precisely. Exactly what I'd answered in that situation. Good girl." He laughed shortly and drank some whiskey.

"Yeah." She didn't know what to say. He was acting crazy. She wasn't accustomed to a potions master acting like this. She felt it as she was in a weak position towards Severus.

"I'd like to ask some questions and I want to be sure you answer them all honestly. Otherwise I will have to use Veritaserum. Are we agreed?" He suddenly became serious.

"Yes." She, on the other hand, became nervous.

"Have you harmed yourself lately?"

His face was very strict and she knew she had to be honest though it was the last thing she wanted to.

"Yea…" She blushed.

"When?"

"Is this a kind of cross-examination?" This topic was one of her deepest secrets and she didn't want to share it with anyone.

"Just answer, Hermione." Severus urged with emphasis on 'Hermione'.

"The night before Hogwarts."

"Show me."

"No. Why would I?"

"Just show me your arm." He repeated.

"No." She felt that each single muscle in her body was tensed. After all, she didn't know her professor that well she would show him one of her deepest secrets. That was to go too far!

"To answer your question, this isn't a cross-examination. I want to make you feel better, and I can't help you if you don't let me in. You must let me in if you want me to help you."  
"It's not that easy." She whispered.

"I know. I wasn't expecting you would show me your arm now; I just wanted to see how comfortable you were. I'm quite sure you became nervous when I told you I wanted to ask some questions. I can see you're un-comfortable too. Am I right?" He raised his eyebrows.

Severus put his glass on the table and sat down next to Hermione in the other sofa, without thinking what he was doing.

"Relax. I'm not going to harm you, girl. Just relax." He whispered and his words actually made her relax and her shoulders sank down on their right place.

The man's hands caressed her back and she shivered of pleasure. His hands were so experienced and he did every little movement right. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the massage. He knew exactly which points he shouldn't touch and which he should.

"Are you alright?" Severus said quietly and leaned his arms on the arm rest.

"Yea, thank you…But why?" She asked, confused.

"Since I'm a spy, I'm kind of good to discover people's feelings. I thought you needed it since you were so taut. What did you think?" He asked, acting surprised.

"Ah, nothing. What the fuck?"

Severus had, while talking to her, rolled up her sleeves on her left arm. He was much chocked when he found the underside of her underarm was full of scars, both old and new ones. She tried to move her arm away from him but he had it in a firm grip. Carefully, Severus touched the scars, noticing how his movements pained Hermione. He let her arm go and she quickly stood up.

"You bloody bastard!" She shouted.

"Five points from Gryffindor for insulting a teacher. Miss Granger I thought we were agreed on behaving like humans, but you may have missed it. After all, you should be happy I didn't deduct more points." Severus said, warning her. "You may choose, Miss Granger. The hard way or the easy but boring way." He drank a big gulp of fire whiskey.

"I'm sorry." She didn't dare to meet his glance.

"For what? Sit down, please." He touched her fingers slowly.

"Well, I'm sorry for calling you a bloody bastard." She blushed.

"To your knowledge, my parents were married. Now sit down."

"Were you ever married?" She suddenly became curious of his life before Hogwarts.

"Hermione Granger, if you shall be here, in, if I remind you, my private rooms, you've got to do as I say. My private life is none of your business." He said sharply.

"Oh well. Then I have some questions for you, Mr Perfect." She sat down next to him. "You, if I so say, forced me to tell you about my private life. I've told you things as no one else, except me of course, knows and I hope you're aware of that. So I think it's quite fair that you answer some questions from me." She looked into his dark eyes without blinking.

"Fine. Go for it. Four questions for you to ask me and I will ask three to you. We have to answer them all and be honest. We mustn't ask the same questions as the other one. Agreed?" Severus thought this could be quite fun and he could ask exactly the questions he wanted, and best of all, she had to answer them.

"Very well." Hermione said, surprised that she now could ask him whatever she wanted to. "How old are you?" She started nervously.

"41.Who do you have a crush on?" Severus smiled irritating, really happy with his question.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._ "You." She blushed.


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 – Now I'm with you, I'm close to tears**

"Didn't I tell you to be honest?" Severus said, enjoying his advantage.

"I told you the truth." Hermione blushed again, this was really embarrassing.

"Oh I see. Hermione Granger, the know-it-all has a crush on a teacher. Whoa." Severus tried to keep his mask while he was beaming inside. He was nearly 100 she had been honest, otherwise she wouldn't have blushed that much.

"Have you ever been married, and are you married now?"

"Yes, I was married. No, we're divorced since many years ago." He mumbled, talking about his ex-wife with the girl he loved wasn't his favourite occupy. "Are you a virgin? If you aren't, when and with who was the first time?" He knew he had put her in a hard situation and he enjoyed it. She was so cute when she was in pressure, and when she blushed.

"You can't ask that Sir. Please." She begged, pretty embarrassed.

"Oh yes, I can." He was quite certain she was a virgin; otherwise she wouldn't have been so embarrassed by the question.

"Yes, I am a virgin. How old were you when you had sex the very first time?" She laughed; this was going to be fun.

"It's very inappropriate to ask a teacher that, Miss Granger. I was 16. Hmm.. I guess this is my last question for you… Wait, since I am the teacher in here, I should have some privileges, let's change the rules, I have five questions for you, you have still four to ask me. Alright?"

"If you may change the rules, so may I. Five questions for you to ask me, five questions for me to ask you, agreed?"  
"Very well. What are you most afraid of?"

"I don't know really… That one of the people I like the most would die I guess."

"Which includes that?"

"My family, I do care a lot for Harry and Ron still, some of my cousins and….. you. Do you have any feelings towards me?"

"Miss Granger, that's not appropriate. I won't answer. As always in games like this, one may refuse to answer a question. I refuse to answer this one." He smiled satisfied.

"You coward! You are so bloody cowardly, which I hope you know." She screamed.

"Oh, Miss Granger is very tough in her mouth." He said ironic. "For how long have you been thinking of me?"

"I refuse to answer that. Hmm… My last question. What did you feel when you found me up in that tower the day before this?"

"I felt compassion. I was sorry for you, for how such a beautiful 16-year-old could be thinking of suicide." Severus answered frankly as he looked into her eyes.

"You think I'm beautiful?" She asked surprised.

"Your questions time is over. I have one question left to ask you though. What are you thinking about living down here, with me?"

"Oh well.. I kind of disliked it first, now I don't know… It's quite alright. It's kind of weird to have you around me all the time, nothing bad, but I mean, I'm 16, and it feels strange to ask somebody if I can go outside for example." Hermione frowned.

"I see. Happy with what you got to know about me?" Severus said ironic.

"Oh yeah." She blinked at him.

"As I'm sure you will agree to, everything we've said and will say will be staying in this room. If you even say a word about my private life outside this room, I can assure you that you will regret it."  
"Yep, I get it and I agree. Um. I'd like to go to the Common room, are you free now?"  
"Aw I am terribly sorry, but I don't have time now. Maybe after dinner..." He smiled satisfied. It was fun actually, he had such a power over her and she could do nothing without his permission.

"So what are you going to do which is so important?" She asked.

"Oh it's nothing really. Since this is the second day of the term I don't have any essays to mark."

"I see. Tell me what is so fucking important you don't want to do me a favour?" Hermione was getting mad at him now; he was such a stubborn sometimes.

"I'm so sorry for you. You ought to know how it is to have such a power over someone. It's even more fun when the 'someone' is in love with you." He said satisfied.  
"You are the most obstinate person I know. Fuck you." She left the room and went in to her bedroom.

Just five minutes later she heard someone opening the door but she didn't care. She was lying on the bed, studying. The door was closed and someone approached.

"Thirty points from Gryffindor for bad behaviour three times. And a detention. I will inform you later what it will be." Severus said as chilly as ever. He looked at her for a few seconds and noticed how fit her body was, and her nice brown hair matched the bed very well.

Hermione just ignored him and didn't notice when he stood one inch from her. His masculine hands caressed her waist, along her thighs.

"Come here my dear." He kissed her hand and helped her out of the room where they sat down in the couch again.

"You fancy me, don't you?" Hermione smiled charming.

"What makes you think that?" Severus caressed her thighs and smiled cunningly.

"You are just playing around, aren't you?" Tears were welling up in her eyes.

"Hermione…" Severus began softly. "Why do you care this much for me?"

"Because I'm in love with you. I thought you'd already noticed that?" She said dryly.

"Dear Merlin, I thought you were joking." Severus lied.

"I wasn't."

"What's so attracting with me then?" Severus couldn't resist from asking that question.

"Everything. You're handsome, you're cool, you're nice, you're caring, you've humour, you've a particularly nice body and you're a great teacher."

"Hermione, I am like 25 years older than you. It's illegal."

"Why were you so interested in my sexual life?" She snorted and turned away from him.

"Because you're interesting." He whispered, caressing her hair. "Oh I forgot to tell you, Albus wants to see us after dinner." He added.

"Alright. You know what's the big wrong with you? You think too much of yourself." She muttered and stood up. She went to the desk and sat down and read what Severus had written last evening. To her amazement, her name was written on a small paper. She recognized Severus' handwriting.  
"You wanna know what's wrong with you? Nothing. Except that you should watch your tongue sometimes… We have to go to dinner now. And about your detention, it will be no visit up to the Common room today." Severus said and stood up. "Come on, or we'll be late for dinner."

"You're so mean sometimes. So now I'm stuck here all day with you. It couldn't get worse…" She said ironic and laughed.

"Watch your tongue Miss Granger." Severus said sharply as they went along the corridor, up to the Great Hall.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Professor." She smiled with emphasis on 'Professor'. Now the roles were back to normal; 'she was only a student he was only a very hot professor' she thought, smiling.


	8. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7 – A new challenge**

"Ah, good evening Severus, Hermione. Sit down please." Dumbledore greeted with a big smile. It was always funny to watch Severus when he was accompanied by a student. Sometimes he acted like an idiot, sometimes he was actually nice and sometimes he was acting like today – strange.

As they sat down in the light room he discovered Hermione's glances on her teacher. It was weird; she just passed nervously glances on him all the time.

"Good evening, Sir." Hermione said, smiling a forced smile.

"Evening, Albus." Severus muttered and ran a hand through his hair. He felt like a babysitter to Hermione, now when they were in the Headmaster's office.

"Want some tea?" The Headmaster asked.

"No, thank you."  
"Nope, but thanks."

"Alright, I was just wondering how this works out. Everything's alright with you two?"

"It's as always, Sir. Someone should tell this girl to watch her tongue better though. She has said the most horrible things." Severus mumbled, looking at Hermione with a strange face.

"I don't believe that, my dear boy." Albus chuckled. "Hermione, is everything alright with you?"

"Yes, Sir." She quickly lied as Severus passed a quizzing glance to her.

"Very well then. I was thinking if you, Hermione, would need to learn how to be a spy. I think it can be very good for you in the future, now when the Dark Lord is looking for you."

"I'd love that, Sir." Hermione answered eagerly. She never missed a chance to learn more.

"Severus, would you make me the favour to teach her? I know you'd do it the best, son. You are the spy in here anyway. It would be great if you could have spy-lessons with her for like three hours a day. Will you do that for me, Severus?"  
"Well, what if she thinks it's too hard? Both physically and mentally." Severus protested.

"I'm sure she can handle it. She's one of the best students here at Hogwarts anyway."

"Alright then." Severus sighed, now he had to have extra lessons with her too!

"Of course you mustn't tell anybody about it. Hermione, I'll give you a list of books you have to read, and Severus and you can talk about when you shall have your training. Let's try it for a week, if you think it's too hard, just drop it but do never tell anyone about it. It must be a total secret."  
Hermione nodded excited, and passed another nervously glance on Severus. "Thank you, Sir."

"Great. Severus could you please wait outside, I'd like to talk to Hermione alone." Dumbledore said and opened the door with his wand.

"Sure. Goodnight, Sir." Severus mumbled and step out of the room.

"Goodnight, my boy." Dumbledore answered and closed the door with magic.

"Hermione, how are you? Is everything alright between you and Severus? Does he treat you well?" Dumbledore asked, as he sank deeper into his big sky-blue chair.

"Everything is just fine, Sir. I promise. He's nice to me."

"I'm glad to hear that. I know he can be such a stubborn sometimes but he's a really nice man when one gets to know him. His ice-cold image is just a facade. I'm sure you will pass it soon. If there's any problem between you and him, you can always come to me, my dear. And, don't care what Severus says, he just mean 50 of it." Dumbledore smiled gently.

"Thank you, Sir." Hermione sighed and waited for her permission to leave the room.

"You may go, Hermione. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Sir."

Dumbledore chuckled when she left the room. There was certainly something going on between them. He became surer it was the right to place them together.

"I expect you here, in the living room, each evening at 8 o'clock, dressed with a warm cloak. From now on, you will have to have your homework done before eight. You must be better physically too. Each evening and morning, you shall do 200 sit-ups and 50 push-ups, in my presence the first times, since I must check you do correct. A spy must be very quick and strong to evade an attack. If you have to change your eating habits to make you physically better, then do so. I expect you to eat more; a spy can't weigh 110 lbs. That's way too little. I guess you'll get the book-list of Dumbledore tomorrow, which books you're going to read and I expect you to read them very carefully." Severus explained quickly.  
"Yes, Severus. I get it…"

"And you really do want to go for this, don't you?" He asked, fingering on his wrist watch.

"Of course."  
"Then you have to stop harm yourself. It will worsen your immune defence a lot. Now show me your arm so I can heal the scars. You mustn't do it again." He demanded.

Shivering, Hermione showed him her arm. She felt something silky stroking her arm and suddenly all her scars were gone.

"Thank you… that feels better." Hermione smiled, caressing her new, keen arm.

"It's alright. But, if you do it again, the consequences will be worse. I'm warning you now. Do you have any razor blade with you here at Hogwarts?" Severus hissed.

"Actually no…" Hermione sighed and sat down in the dark blue chair.

"Good. Hmm. Let's see. If anyone will see you harm yourself by free will, I will order a punishment including ten detentions with Filch and 500 points from Gryffindor. I hope that will be enough for you to get that you have to stop harm yourself." Severus added sharply.

"Oh great." Hermione said sarcastic.

"Shall we skip spy-class today? I think you need some rest." He asked, in a soft voice.

"Alright then."  
"So…How are you, Hermione?" Severus said in a strange, softly voice.

"I'm doing just fine." She lied. "What about you?"  
"I'm alright. You just seem to… well I don't know." He thought for a second. "God knows how much I love you..." He thought and to his amazement he did say it too.

"Sorry, Sir? Did you say anything?" She asked, she'd been very much into her thoughts too.  
"No, nothing important." Thanks God she didn't hear. "Don't you have any homework to do?" He asked, changing subject.

"I don't Sir. We don't have any homework thus far."

"Very well then. Since we decided to procrastinate your spy-class, you may do the sit-ups and push-ups I ordered." Severus said with a deep voice.

"Alright then." She lay down on the floor, feeling really strange with Severus watching her.

"Then start with the sit-ups." He smiled amused and sat down in the sofa, watching her movements very careful. "No, no, no! You're doing completely wrong. Now you're training you legs, not your abs." Severus sat down next to her and placed a hand on her belly and one hand on her back. "Now tense your muscles and lift your back… Wrong again. Your feet shall stay on the floor all the time. Like this." He lay down beside her and showed her a couple of perfect sit-ups.

"Okay I think I get it." Hermione copied his movements and did right. She could feel her abs tense as her back left the floor.

"You shall breathe in when you lie down on the floor, and breathe out when you're on your way from the floor. Like that. Yes, now you're doing right. Good job. Now do 200." Severus ordered, thinking if this maybe was too hard for her. She was just 16 after all, and her body was far from muscular. But she needed to be better physically; otherwise she wouldn't handle the tasks in her training as a spy. This spy-training was a great way to make her physically and mentally stronger too, without showing her he did actually care for her.


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 – You can't hide it anymore**

"So… Let's start with telling me the two most important qualities of a spy and assassin." Severus demanded. He rather enjoyed his power towards the school girl who was in front of him. They were in his office, having Hermione's first spy-lesson.

"Well, I guess it is flexibility and attention." She shot back.

"Very well. Since this isn't a real lesson, I can't order any points for Gryffindor." He smirked.

Hermione nodded in understanding and her eyes kept shifting her gaze. His office wasn't her favourite place, and after she'd seen his private quarters she was quite sure this office was just another piece of his image.

"So, tonight, I think we shall practise disarming charms. I'm sure you know Expelliarmus but that isn't a very good one. The one I will be teaching you tonight don't only disarm the person who charms it, it even makes it to turn around to attack the person who sent it. It is called the Lorentius charm."

"Sir, so if I would be throwing a charm on you, and you used the Lorentius charm, I would be hit by the charm I threw on you?"

"I don't think I will have to repeat it, Miss Granger." The professor snapped. "Now repeat, 'Lorensia'."

"'Lorensia'." She repeated.

"Now you shall throw a simple charm on me, and I will use the Lorentius-charm to ward it off. Do not use a tough charm, since you will have to use Expelliarmus on it when I've thrown it back on you. This is because you have to see how the Lorentius charm works in practise." Severus explained quickly.

"Yes, Sir. I've chosen which one I'm going to throw on you."

"Then do it. One… two… three!" He hissed.

A red light came out from Hermione's wand and attacked Severus who easily fended it off with the Lorentius charm. Hermione concentrated and tried to use Expelliarmus to fend off the returning charm. Suddenly she felt it like the ground was swinging and she a second later she felt it like the world was upside down. All she saw was darkness.

"Miss Granger?" A voice said. "Miss Granger?"

"What?" She mumbled, opening her eyes. She found herself on the floor in the Potions Master's office. 'What the hell is going on?' she thought, very confused.

"Ah, good that you are awake." Severus muttered.

"What the fuck happened?"

"You fainted." A deep voice answered her.  
"I did what?" She yelled.  
"You passed out. You've been unconscious for the past ten minutes." Severus mumbled, helping her up in a sitting position.

"I remember. We were practising a charm... Lorentia, Lorentius something. What happened? I still don't get it." She sighed, fainting was the thing she disliked the most. Especially in front of a teacher. She had done it once before, it was awful, she'd been put in to the Hospital wings for a few days too.

"Well, you were going to ward off the charm I sent back on you through Expelliarmus but something happened. You threw the Expelliarmus charm, but then you just fell on the floor. It seemed like all your energy was running out." He sat down beside her, carefully not touching any dirty spot on the floor. "Now, I want you to tell me, why the hell did you pass out? Why didn't you tell me you were out of energy? It could have ended much worse than this. You didn't pass out because the Expelliarmus charm didn't work. You fainted because it took all your strength to get that Expelliarmus charm. Fortunately you had enough energy to make it, otherwise you would have been damaged a lot more by your own charm." He scolded.

"S-sir…I… well I-i don't know." She stuttered.

"If you had slept more than six hours last night, and if you've eaten at least one good meal today you wouldn't have been fainting. I'm quite sure you did sleep very well last night. So, have you eaten anything today?"

"Actually, I didn't sleep well." Hermione lied, rubbing her aching shoulder.

"You did. Stop lying. And I would prefer it if you didn't faint again."

"You don't know if I did sleep well!" She exclaimed.

"I do. You know our rooms are connected to each other, I can see through the wall into your room, since Dumbledore put a see-through spell on it from my room. Since, I'm your guardian I have to watch you nearly 24/7." Severus explained with a hint of contemptuously.

"What the fuck are you telling me? Do you mean that you have watched me even when I was alone in my, if I may say, own room. Bloody hell. I guess you and the old fool didn't think maybe I didn't like to strip in front of a teacher? I can't find words for what I think of you! You idiot! I hate you! I wa…" Hermione shouted, furiously.

"I've heard enough from you, Miss Granger!" A very unpleasant voice interrupted. "I told you before, I tell you again. I won't tolerate such behaviour from you." He continued in an ice-cold voice. "Don't you dare speak to me in that way again. Of course I didn't watch you, as you so pleasant express you, 'stripping'. I find no interest in your body at all, and to your knowledge, I don't fancy under ages." He quickly lied. Actually he hadn't been watching her dressing, though he'd wanted, he'd felt it was too mean to her, after all she'd been through the last days.

Hermione stood up, her legs trembling. How the hell could Dumbledore have thrown that spell without telling her? She could sue them for fuck's sake. As she felt her legs weren't strong enough to carry her, she leaned on her professor's desk. Suddenly she felt the depressing room was matching her feelings, and she got why Severus did find it comfortable, if he so did. If he was as un-lucky as he seemed, maybe this room fitted him perfect. Otherwise it fitted his facade perfect. She tensed her fists by anger and glared at her teacher.

"Oh sure." She said ironic. "And, why were you jerking around yesterday? I think your hands were on a place, way too intimate for a teacher. I can sue you." Hermione laughed bitterly.

"For God's sake, Hermione. I highly doubt that someone would believe you after all. Also, why didn't you tell me to stop if you felt uncomfortable with it? I think it's quite strange that you're reacting now, but not yesterday. Now you're mad because we didn't tell you about that spell, but to the matter of fact, it was to protect you."

"You call seeing me naked is a way of protecting me?" She yelled.

"Of course not." Severus snapped, he was losing his patience now. "Miss Granger, we leave this discussion now. Let's finish this class tomorrow. I will have some food ordered down here for you and then you're going to bed. No objections!"

"You can't determine over me like I'm your child. Besides, I'm not hungry. And I've homework to do, since you gave us a three foot essay for tomorrow, Sir. It's kind of tough to write a three foot essay over one night, you know."  
"I'll overlook the essay this time, but I told you to have your homework done before eight pm. Don't tell any of your so-called friends that you didn't have to do the homework. You shall eat and then go to bed. If you're not obeying you will serve ten detentions with Filch."

"Are you threatening me, Sir?" Hermione muttered, her legs trembling more than ever. She would certainly have fallen on the floor if her grip on the desk wasn't as hard as it was.

"Miss Granger, I thought you'd more intellect than this. Don't you see how weak your body is? Don't you see how your legs are trembling? Don't you notice that 110 lbs is too little for you? Don't you appreciate your life more than this?" Severus asked in a harsh voice.


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9 – Confusion**

'She's a student. She's a mere student. Nothing else than a student. Will never be nothing else than a student.' A voice said in Severus' head.

'Then why does she have such an influence over your feelings?' another voice echoed back.

'And now she's mad on you because she thinks you've seen her naked.' The voice continued.

'So? I don't care. She's just a student', another voice talked back.

"Bloody hell." Severus muttered, opening a bottle of fire whiskey. Actually, he'd recommended the Headmaster not to put the charm between their rooms, but Albus had insisted that she would be safer so. Despite the fact Dumbledore would never recommend a relationship between a student and teacher, it seemed as he enjoyed putting them together.

'That bloody Gryffindor who makes your head spin.' A voice in his head told him.

"What the heck am I thinking about?" Severus mused. "That silly girl is only a student."

'Not only a student.' The voice echoed again.

In less than ten minutes, the whiskey-bottle was empty and he opened another one.

Suddenly a big brown owl came out of the fire place and landed on the couch, next to Severus. The owl bit his hand eagerly and Severus let loose the letter from the owl's leg. To his dissatisfaction, he recognized the owl as his Mother's. That could only mean bad news.

With trembling hands he opened the envelope and found a small letter written with flourish handwriting.

_September 4th_

_Severus Snape_

_I am very sorry to tell you that your Mother, Amelia Snape, has been moved to St. Mungo's hospital yesterday. There was an accident at her home which made her heart quite fragile. She used a spell which hit back on her, and hit her heart. Her statement is now quite stable but she won't be able to leave the hospital in the upcoming months, since her heart is so fragile. _

_Amelia would really like to see you, as you are her only child. She's expecting you at Saturday. Please send me a note to confirm that you're coming. _

_Yours sincerely, _

_Jeanette Owen_

"Damn that bloody woman. Damn her! Curse her!" Severus hissed. "Why does that evil woman want to see me? We haven't seen each other for years. She must be really sick of her life…" He muttered angrily. The last he wanted to do was seeing his Mother. The devil herself.

Without thinking more Severus poured another bottle of fire whiskey in to his now, intoxicated body. He knew he shouldn't be drinking like this. Really shouldn't.

'I thought you've quitted that habit years ago.' A voice, much like Minerva McGonagall's, whispered in his head and made him feel a hint of guilt before he poured another bottle of whiskey into his throat. Actually, he used to be dependent of whiskey before but luckily he got free from it. Now he just drank to forget the reality.

Of pure anger he smashed one of the empty whiskey bottles in to the fire, enjoying the sound of it. He squeezed the letter into a dented ball of paper and then threw it in the fire too.

After four bottles of whiskey, he couldn't do anything but lie down, with the world spinning around in his head. Finally, around 3 a.m., he fell asleep on the couch with the words 'Just a student' spinning in his head.

"Good morning, Sir. Had a nice…" Hermione stopped, looking shocked at her professor, who was sleeping on the couch, with three whiskey bottles next to him. It wasn't hard to figure out what he'd been doing last night.

Hermione yawned and glanced at the window. Sun! She couldn't help but smile, sun always made her in a good mood.

Her eyes returned to the sleeping professor. She'd never seen him looking to peaceful before, though it probably was because of the whiskey. But why the hell had he been drinking so much? He had told her he wasn't dependent of whiskey anymore. She ran a hand through her hair nervously and sat down on the couch opposite to the one Severus lay in.

Suddenly Severus sat up, glaring at her confused, looking very dizzy.

"Severus?" Hermione asked, looking rather worried, her professor didn't look like normal.

"Hello dear. Salut! Hola! Ciao! I am very very veeery good at languages." Severus greeted jerkily, sounding like a 2-year-old who had just said his very first words.

"Professor? Do you have a headache?" Hermione wondered, trying to figure out if he was as drunk as he seemed.

"Oh yeah. I've a terrible headache. My dear, how old are you? Are you horny? You wanna have sex? I totally love you." Severus chuckled.

"How dare you speak to me like that?" She shouted, looking rather scared. 'Who knows what the hell he's capable to do now?' she thought nervously. She needed to get him an anti-hangover potion, and that fast. 'Maybe he has some in one of the book shelves?' Hermione thought, looking at one of the shelves, which was filled of potions. She stood up and started looking for a potion to get rid of her professor's hangover.

"What the hell are you doing, girl?" Her professor's voice interrupted her.

Ignoring his question, she continued the searching. After ten minutes she found was she was looking for. At least it seemed to be the right one, the label was "For hangovers, only in emergency use". 'Anyway, this is nearly an emergency', she thought, handing over the potion to Severus who was babbling about everything and nothing.

"Here, drink this." She offered him the bottle.

"Whatever you want, my love." Severus answered, emptying the whole bottle.

Hermione couldn't take her eyes off him for the following minute.

"Hermione, if I may ask, what is so bloody interesting that you're staring at me without blinking?" Severus ice-cold voice interrupted her.

"Excuse me, Sir?" Hermione muttered. "You were totally bloody drunk and…" She began explaining.

"Enough. Stop lying. Why…" His voice disappeared as he saw the small bottle in front of him. The bottle Hermione made him drink. 'How the hell could I lose my mind so much that I started drink that much… It was ages since I was drunk. And now she's seen me drunk. What the fuck will she think about me now? That I am a completely bastard who can't control me? Probably. And why did I drink? I must remember something from last night. Wait, I got a letter, didn't I? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Mother.' Severus thought, thinking back of last night. "Miss Gr…Hermione. I…um.. I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry if I said something that made you upset with me. I'm sorry that you had to witness me being drunk. I also do feel that I must apologize if I did, err.. You know... something to you." He said in a not usual Snape-way.

"Oh, well. It's okay. You didn't do anything to me. Actually, I just came in here ten minutes ago, I found you on the sofa, sleeping. Then you woke up and talked in a strange way. You asked me to have sex with you, actually. And called me… Anyway, I started looking for a potion to clear up your mind and found that one which I made you to drink." Hermione said dryly, pointing on the small bottle in front of Severus.

"Miss Granger, please do not talk about this with anyone. I assure you it won't happen again."

"As you wish, Sir." Hermione shrugged, looking slightly confused.


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10 – Objections**

"We have to go talk to Albus. Hurry up." Severus muttered, still quite embarrassed of the little "accident" which occurred one minute ago.

"Why? I think it's time for breakfast, isn't it?" Hermione protested, yawning slightly to the thought of walking up to Dumbledore's office.

"You will see when we get there. Now come on!" He urged.

"What if I tell anyone that I've seen you drunk?" Hermione shot back.

"Miss Granger, do I really have to remind you that it's highly inappropriate to lie about a teacher. Don't you agree? Seriously, do you think anyone would believe you?" Severus hissed and frowned. Surely, one could see right through his façade when he was nervous.

"I do think so, Sir. Then tell me why you were drinking so much?" Hermione smiled softly, glancing nervously at her professor. Maybe blackmailing a professor wasn't such a great idea after all.

"That's really none of your business, Hermione. Well, to be honest with you, I got this letter from a nurse at St. Mungo's. My Mother's got her heart hurt by some silly spell she'd used wrong, she is very clumsy. That bloody woman always gets herself into trouble." Severus almost spit out.  
"Like that would explain why you were drinking like an alcoholic… Sure. Why are you talking about your own Mother as you dislike her?" She raised her eyebrows.

"My relationship to my Mother is for certain none of your bloody business. You're such an insufferable know-it-all sometimes. You don't have to know it all, actually. Now let's get the hell out of here. I want to catch Albus before he goes to breakfast." He snapped.

"Come in." Albus said, opening his office-door. "Ah. Severus and Miss Granger, what brings me such an honour?" He continued brightly. "Have a seat, dears."

The sun shined through the small windows and the room flooded in light. Hermione couldn't help but smile when she saw that the weather was as good as in Severus' fake windows.

"Skip that, Albus. I got a letter from a nurse at St. Mungo's last night. My mother is there by now and she wants to see me. I'm afraid I do have to go, you erm.. know how she can be sometimes. Anyway, what I was wondering, was if I could take the day off? I know, it's late to ask about it, but I didn't know about my Mother before very late last night." Severus explained in a rush. One could clearly notice that this wasn't one of his favourite topics.

"Oh, I'm sorry for you, Son. Of course you'll be able to visit your Mother. I assume you'd like Miss Granger to take the day off too, since you're her guardian."  
"I suppose so, though I see whole this thing ridiculous. Why can't she just stay here with you? She's probably have a better time here, don't you think?"

"No, I don't. Anyway, I'm off today too, I've some meetings in the ministry. I don't see any problem for Miss Granger to accompany you." Albus smiled.

"Hey, I'm here, you don't have to talk about me like I'm somewhere else." Hermione muttered. This wasn't exactly how she wanted to be treated.

"Aww. How could I forget about you?" Severus said dryly, sneering.

"Stop it." She snapped, glancing angrily at him.

"Children, I suppose you'd like to eat breakfast now since you're heading to St. Mungo's soon. You may go." Albus said, not wanting their little dispute to continue in his presence. With a sweep with his wand, the doors open.

"Please tell my students that I've gotten a terrible cold or something. I just don't want they go on talking about me as emotional about my Mother. Especially when I'm not. Good day." Severus said and went out of the room, his robes billowing.

"Hermione, where have you been? The breakfast is almost closed." Harry exclaimed when he saw Hermione enter the Great Hall.

Mostly of the students close to Harry turned around to see who he'd talked about.

"Good morning." Hermione forced herself to smile and sat down next to Harry. "I just overslept for a while. That's all." She quickly lied and started eating a toast.

"Are you going to be in the Common room today? We never see you." Ron asked.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think so." Hermione shrugged, wishing she'd never entered the room.

"You don't want to see us, do you?" Ron snapped while Harry looked bewildered.

"I do. But the thing is that I can't. I'm gonna take the day off. I have to follow Se... Snape to a…um… well I don't remember what. Anyway, that's a secret, so you guys mustn't tell anyone. Just tell everybody that we're both sick of something we ate at breakfast. Please?"

"As you wish, 'Mione. But please promise to tell us if that bastard isn't nice to you. I'd love getting a reason to kill him." Harry laughed.

"Don't be so childish. He'd never do anything to hurt me. I promise you." Hermione defended Severus and sipped on her tea.

"How do you know that?" Ron asked, looking at her like he was trying to figure out if she was under a spell or not.

"Please. He's an adult for fuck's sake." Gah! These guys really made her sick.

"Come on!" A silky voice whispered in her ear, making her shiver. She turned around and found Severus right behind her.

"Sorry, guys… See you." Hermione tried to look sad but didn't do very well. She felt very relieved when she got out from the Great Hall. Quickly they made their way to the Professor's quarters, which started feel more comfortable for her now.  
"Didn't I tell you to eat?" Severus asked, truly concerned about her wellness.

"Sir, I…" Hermione began.

"Miss Gr…Hermione. You're going to kill yourself if you're not eating. Besides, stop lying for me, I can see when you're not honest with me. And, um, do you have some more posh robes than the school-ones? I don't mean a gala-robe, but something more elegant than the normal robes would suit well today." Severus asked as they entered his quarters.

"No.. I don't. Why will I need that today?" Hermione answered bewildered.

"Because my Mother is a very hmm… upper classy woman." Severus said, like this was the most normal thing to say. "You do have to behave yourself when you see her. I can assure you that it won't be nice if you don't. Well, um, I'll transform one of your robes in to something more fitting, if that's alright with you?" He asked.   
"Sure. I'll go get one. Be right back." Hermione mumbled and disappeared into her room.

'What the hell am I doing? Am I bringing a bloody student to my Mother? Am I transforming a student's robe? Shit. I've lost my mind', Severus thought as Hermione entered the room again, now with a dark-blue robe in her hands.

"Um… here you are." Hermione said and passed the robe to Severus.

"All right then." Severus swung his wand and the material was changed to a thin kind of satin. It looked lovely in that state and he was sure the thin material would fit Hermione's feminine body very well. 'No, I'm not allowed to think those thoughts.' Severus thought.

"You better get dressed now, Mis…Hermione. We're leaving in…" He looked at his wrist-watch. "In ten minutes." He added.

"Okay, Sir. Wait!" She turned around. "You won't enter your room while I'm changing clothes, will you?" Hermione exclaimed as she headed to her room.

"Silly girl. I am free to enter my room any time I want. Though, it seems as I must remind you, I have to interest at all in seeing you change clothes. Now get dressed!"

"Right. But um. You know… I… Never mind." Hermione said, quite bothered of the topic.

"Didn't I express me clear enough, Miss Granger? Get dressed!" Severus snapped.


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11 – Experiences**

The small sickroom where Amelia Snape was in was on the third floor. As in most of the sickrooms at St. Mungo's, there were sky-blue walls and a chalk white floor. It was a small single room with one bed, two small chairs, one bedside table and one wardrobe, everything in white. There were some flowers on the bedside table, but except for that the room was nearly empty of stuff.

Hermione entered the room nervously, right behind her Professor. She had no clue at all what Mrs. Snape would be like. Also, Severus had told Albus that she could be a little bit... odd sometimes. It didn't seem so good.

"Close the door and sit down." Severus whispered to Hermione as they entered the room. "Mother." He greeted and sat down on a chair next to his Mother's bed.

Amelia Snape opened her eyes and winked a couple of times. She was wearing a scarlet night-dress. Slowly she switched position and met Severus glance.

"Severus." Amelia nodded and noticed Hermione who sat down in the chair next to Severus'. "Who's this, Severus?" She eyed Hermione down from above.

"Let me introduce you. This is Hermione Granger, a…um… colleague of mine. Hermione, this is Amelia Snape." Severus said.  
"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Snape." Hermione smiled politely.

"She isn't a muggle born, is she?" Amelia ignored Hermione's smile and looked at Severus.

"Of course not, Mother. I would never…um…mix with mudbloods." Severus lied and tried to catch Hermione's eye contact but failed. "So Mother, how are you? Are they nice to you here at St. Mungo's?" He quickly changed topic.

"By all means, they're okay. Not exactly what I'd expected but… anyway. I'm not very good, Son. But, did you say that girl is a professor?" Amelia gestured on Hermione. "She looks young, very young. But of course, Dumbledore is a little bit odd these days. I mean, he allows muggle-borns at Hogwarts!" She exclaimed. "And now he employs children. Merlin knows where that school is going."

"Yes, she is a professor. A very bright one, actually. In class with my own intellect if I so say. I must agree that Albus can be a little bit weird sometimes." Severus answered, very annoyed.

Hermione nearly gasped when she heard Severus talk about her. He'd given her a compliment! Bloody amazing!

"If you so say, Son… But I don't understand why you brought her here?" Amelia shot back.

"Why did you want me here, Mother?" Severus snapped. His patience was on the wane.

"Because you're my Son of course. Don't you want to see your poor little Mother when she's hurt? And why is this Professor here?" Amelia talked back. "She isn't your fiancée, is she?"

"You haven't wanted too see me for ages. I haven't missed you for Merlin's sake! I just came here today because you asked me to. Not because I care about you. Hermione is here because… She's here because I wanted her to accompany me. Of course she isn't my girlfriend Mother. You have told me several times that you don't want me to go out with a muggle-born." Severus raised his voice without noticing what he was saying in the last line.

"She's a muggle-born? How dare you? How dare you mix with mudbloods?" Amelia shouted.

"Excuse me?" Hermione interrupted, with a voice that spoke of how insulted she was.

"Mother, shut up! I don't give a damn what you think. I am free to spend time with anyone I want to." He answered with an ice-cold voice which made Hermione shiver.

"You are not my, Son! Now get out of here! I don't want a mudblood and a traitor close to me!" Amelia yelled and her face was turning in to a shade of red.

"Fine! Have a good life. Hermione, let's go! This bloody woman is crazy. You know what? I've always hated you." Severus stood up and left the room with Hermione after him. She closed the door quietly and run after Severus who had sat down in a big chair. Slowly, she sat down on the armrest of Severus' chair. As the waiting room was empty except for Severus and herself she could very well hear that Severus breathed heavily.

"I'm sorry… It's my fault that you…" Hermione whispered nervously.

"It's not. I do feel that I owe you an excuse." Severus interrupted "I'm sorry. I acted like a total asshole in there. It's just… that woman makes me go nuts! I'm sorry for what I said, and what she said, about muggle borns. She's just so old-fashioned." He continued, meeting her glance. One could see that he wasn't used to give excuses.

"Oh… Well. It's okay. So… you didn't mean it?" She said, smiling a little.

"Of course not! Did you think so?" Severus looked surprised.  
"Well, not really but… Erm.. You know." Hermione answered, slightly embarrassed.

"Good. Besides, I'm sorry if Amelia offended you when she claimed that you were my girlfriend." He added.

"It's okay…" Hermione said frankly. 'I wished it was true though' she thought.

"Are you sure you're okay? I am truly sorry for what you had to witness. I can assure you that I didn't mean a single word I said about you in there… Except that I do think you're intelligent. Also, I w…" Severus became silent, as he felt Hermione behind him.

Hermione went to the back of Severus' chair and started massaging him. She couldn't stand being so close to him but yet too far away to touch him.

"Calm down. I said its okay." She whispered, oblivious that she sent shivers along Severus' back.

"Miss Granger, what the hell are you doing? I'm your teacher for fuck's sake. You really shouldn't touch a teacher…like that." Severus said, more like a statement than an admonition.

"Come on… I'm sure you like it, don't you?" She teased, caressing his collarbones. 'Shit, what am I saying? He's right. I am his bloody student. I really shouldn't do this…What if he doesn't even like it?'

"Miss Granger, I do think this is highly inappropriate. I suggest that you… that you get your hands off my body." Severus stated, unable to move her hands away from him. 'Merlin, why does it feel so damn good?' he thought as he closed his eyes.

Hermione made her way under his robes and caressed his soft thorax. She loved the way she could feel his heartbeat under his soft skin. There was no way she could stop now, and she'd never seen her professor look so peaceful and comfortable before. Slowly, she started unbutton his robe just to see his bare chest. 'God, why is he so damn beautiful?' she thought, caressing his now bare chest with an affection Severus never had felt before.

"Miss Granger, I really do think you should stop. This is enough for now." Severus spoke in a deep voice. Carefully he moved her hands away from his body and saw her glimmering eyes.

'God, she seemed to enjoy it as much as I. Strange' Severus thought.

"You're right, Sir. I shouldn't ha…" She buttoned his shirt and sat down in a chair.

"It's alright. Thank you." His voice wasn't even half as cold as always.

'Whoa. This is so un-Snape. Ron would totally freak out if he saw Severus like this. Well, who wouldn't?' Hermione thought.

"You're welcome, Sir." 'Hang on; did he say that it was 'enough for now'? He wants me to continue? Aww. Hermione you naughty girl.' She scolded herself.

"Good then." Severus hid the small smile that was climbing on his lips. "So do you want to go back to school? I'm sure you don't want to miss any lessons…"

"Actually I don't want to go back to school…" Hermione objected.

"So… Well, we do have the day off. Are you in a mood for lunch?" He asked.  
"Nah, not really." The only thought of food made her sick.

"Well, it's lunchtime anyway. I suggest we go have some lunch at some restaurant."  
"But, I didn't bring any money here…" Hermione sighed.

"Then I'll pay for you." Severus decided.


	13. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12 – Unconscious**

"Thank you so much for this. I'll pay back at school." Hermione said as they entered the restaurant they'd chosen for lunch. It was a very posh wizard-restaurant which Severus had chosen for the lunch.

The restaurant was furnished with old furniture and was very cosy. There were candles floating all over the room and some candelabras on the walls. The chairs were in scarlet red and the curtains were in a deep, blue colour. One could only say that this restaurant was elegant, and so were the waiters.

"You don't have to." He gave her a small smile and called for the head waiter. "Hello. I would like a table for two, please. In a side room if it's possible."

"Of course. Follow me." The head waiter gave them a bright smile and then showed them the way into a small, cosy room. The room was decorated exactly like the big one except that this had no windows and instead it'd gotten more paintings. There was only one table in the room and Hermione wondered why Severus had wanted to sit in a side room. It wasn't like the other room was full…

"Thank you." Severus nodded to the waiter and pulled out Hermione's chair and gestured her to sit down.

"Thanks." Hermione sat down and Severus pushed in her chair.  
"No prob." Severus answered and sat down opposite to her and started studying the menu.

"Um… why did you want to sit in a side room?" Hermione asked while opening the menu. Maybe she could stand one of those small starters.

"Because Lucius Malfoy and some other death eaters are regularly customers here and I don't think it would seem so good if they saw me with you. They would start wondering and as you are a muggle born I don't think it would suit my reputation very well. Of course they don't know I'm your guardian either. There's no way I could tell them that." He answered without taking his eyes off the menu.

"I see." Hermione closed her menu and waited for Severus to choose.

"So what would you like to eat and drink?" Severus asked, finally closing the menu.

"A tomato soup, please. Without bread. I'd like to drink water." She answered, ignoring his bewildered glances.

"I don't understand you. You ate a half toast for breakfast and now it's two o'clock and you don't want more than a tiny little soup. You're 16 years, soon, but you eat like an 8-year-old. I mean, look at you, you're already slim, and you've got a great body, you don't have to lose more weight. No one will think you'll look better if you lose three pounds even if that's what you think. I'm sure you weigh less than 110 pounds now… I just don't get what you want with this?" Severus said thoughtfully.

"I… I feel sick of the thought of food. I can't stand looking at loads of people eating around me, I think it's disgusting. Fine if there were four persons, but there are loads of people in the Great Hall. Also, when I eat I feel like throwing up, that's why I don't like to eat. I guess it sounds silly for you but…" Hermione explained.  
"It doesn't sound silly. It sounds serious. I think you should go talk to someone since you don't seem to listen to me, which I respect, since I'm not one of your best mates. Maybe Minerva would be…" He suggested, smiling inside.

"Stop it. I won't go talk to someone." Hermione frowned. "It's already more than enough that one person knows."  
"What I'd expected you to say. What if I brew you some potion that would make you able to eat without feeling sick about it?" He ran a hand through his hair and looked at her questioningly.

"I suppose that would be a good idea, if it's not too much trouble for you."  
"It's not. Good. Are you sure you don't want more to eat than a tiny soup?"

"Yes, I am. But thanks for your concern." Hermione rolled her eyes and ran a hand through her curly hair.

"Would you like some wine? I'm going to order a bottle anyway." Severus offered.

"Well, yes, please."

"Have you decided your order yet?" The waiter arrived in the room with a notebook in his hands.

"I would like the chicken meal. The lady wants a tomato soup, without bread. We would like a bottle of water, and a bottle of white wine, please. I think that's all."

"Okay then." The waiter smiled politely, picked up the menus and left the room.

"Erm… Severus?" Hermione asked.

"Yes?"  
"May I ask why your relationship to your Mother is so… bad? I mean, she wasn't treating you as a son, not even like an equal." Hermione stated and leaned back in her chair.

"It's a long story…" He sighed.

"Tell me." Hermione smiled encouraging.

"Okay. I'll tell you some of it. Well, I joined the death eaters when I was 18; I'd recently graduated from Hogwarts. I had a sister back then… her name was Megan, she was my best friend in the entire world." Severus began. There was sorrow and emptiness when he spoke about his sister. Hermione quickly regretted that she'd brought up the topic. "My mother forced Meg to join Voldemort although she didn't want to. Amelia brought her to Voldemort once under a meeting, and Meg kept her dignity, saying that she'd rather die than join Voldemort. Mother felt so ashamed of her and asked Voldemort to kill her. Amelia said she wasn't worth the life. I was there; I saw how Meg was tortured by Voldemort. I haven't been able to forgive Mother for it. I've hated her since that evening. I havent spoke to her since that evening. She sent me letters sometimes and I answered them. You see, Amelia isn't very funny when she gets angry with someone. I still can't forgive her for what she did to Meg. After Meg's death, I joined Dumbledore instead. That evening is also to the reason to why I'm quite a recluse. I can't stand losing one more person that I love. You see, it's so much easier to give up all feelings than find someone to love. Also, I was trying to commit suicide after Meg's death but Albus prevented me. I can't explain in words how it is to lose someone you love the most. Nor can I explain the anger I felt towards my mother. That's why I'm so concerned about your life. I do think you have people who love you." He finished the story. Hermione couldn't believe her eyes, but there were actually some tears in Severus' eyes. He must have loved his sister.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to… You didn't have to tell me. I'm sorry." She whispered.

"It's okay. If I didn't want you to know, I wouldn't have told you." He said, smiling a little.

"You really should smile more often." Hermione smiled back.

"Why? Not as anyone would care." Severus said dryly.

"I would." Hermione said honestly. 'Shit, he must think I'm totally bloody crazy'.

"Anyway, the reason why I told you this is because I wanted you to get a glimpse how the people around you would feel if you killed yourself."

"Sure. Ron and Harry wouldn't even notice if I disappeared. Or wait, they would. Because they would have to do their homework on their own." She said sarcastically. "Let's see. Mum, well, she'd been sorry for three days, Dad for a week and then they'd forgotten about me. I've no close cousins, aunts, grands or whatever. Parvati and Lavender wouldn't care. That's all."

"I'd care." Severus looked straight in to her eyes and she felt butterflies in her stomach.

"Yeah, right. You'd not give a damn." She retorted.

"The reason I told you about Meg is because I can't stand losing you. Is it so hard to get?"


	14. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13 – Sweet day**

"Here are your meals. Just ask if you need anything. Enjoy your meal!" The Waiter placed their meals in front of them and poured some wine into their glasses and then left.

"Thanks." Hermione mumbled, still confused of what Severus had said.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Severus asked, looking slightly amused.

"I don't know… I…Well…Um…Gosh…"

"Calm down." Without thinking he grabbed Hermione's hand and squeezed it gently. "How are you? You don't seem to feel very well."

"Can't stand the food. Everything's spinn…" Hermione didn't finish the sentence. Suddenly she fell down on the floor, landing on her right arm. She'd fainted.

"Shit. Hermione!" Severus stood up and lifted Hermione up from the floor. Luckily she woke up after a few seconds. "How are you?" He said, really worried.

"What happened?" She looked at him, very confused when she found that he was carrying her. He put her on the chair again, but holding a firm grip of her body.  
"You fainted… Drink this." He passed her a glass of water.

"Thanks…" Hermione tried to take the glass from him but her arms weren't that strong.

Severus noticed that she wasn't able to pour the water into her throat so he did it for her.

"How are you feeling?" He asked in a strange voice.

"I'm good thanks. Just a little bit... dizzy. I'd like some fresh air."  
"Of course. Head Waiter?" Severus called through the open door. A few seconds later the waiter appeared in the doorway. "We're leaving. Here, take this. Keep the change." He handed some money to the waiter.

"Thank you, Sir. Anything I can help you with?"

"No, but thank you." Severus quickly added as he saw Hermione's glance.

"Come here." He offered a hand for Hermione. "Can you stand up?"

"I'll try." Hermione took his arm in a firm grip and leaned on his shoulder. "Yes…"  
"Now let's get the hell out of here."

"How are you doing know? Are you okay?" Severus asked as they were outside, sitting on a wooden bench in the nice September-weather.

"I'm okay. I'm sorry I ruined your lunch." Hermione apologized.

"Don't be. It's alright. I won't yell at you know, but…" He sneered. "But you know what I think of your eating habits."  
"You're right. I just felt so sick when I saw all the food in there. And I was, I am, kind of tired."  
"I see. I think we should go back to school now. Poppy will love to take care of you…"

"Don't tell anyone… Please. You won't tell anyone, will you? Please don't. There will just be loads of questions. I can't stand it. Please." Hermione begged.

"Okay then. I won't." There was something in her voice that made him do as she wanted.

"Thank you so much. But do we really have to go back to school already? I'd like to do some shopping; I'm not in London every day…" She sneered.  
"Miss Granger, do I have to remind you that you fainted for like ten minutes ago? No way am I letting you out shopping. You have to sleep. At least rest. Let's apparate." He sighed.

"Seriously, you're acting like a father to me." Hermione muttered.  
"I'm sure both of us are certain that I am not your father, nor do I wish to be." Severus retorted dryly and his face tightened.

"Then don't act like one. Okay, you win. We'll go to Hogwarts…" She shrugged.

"Yes." He nodded and offered Hermione his hand so he could apparate them back.

Luckily, no one saw when they entered Hogwarts, since everyone was on their lessons. The last thing Severus wanted was to draw attention to why he'd been away from the school with Hermione.

Their footsteps echoed in the long corridor, as they headed through it. Severus quarters were as inviting as always, Hermione totally loved that place, when they entered them.

"So, I suppose you're going to rest." Severus muttered and sat down on the chair next to his desk. He sighed and started sorting out piles of papers.

"Nah. I'm fine. I think I'll study." She answered and went to her room to get some books.

"Fine. But don't blame me if you'll faint again." Severus retorted as she entered the living room again.

"I won't." She assured him.

"Let's postpone the spy class again. You shouldn't risk your health." He said without looking up from the desk.

"But…" She stopped when she saw Severus' glance. "Fine. As you want."

"Good. And, the Headmaster asked me this morning why you never are in the Common room. Apparently he thought I was forcing you to stay here. I guess I could stand one visit in the Common room if you'd like that. I just don't want it to be a habit." He sneered.

"Oh. Um well. No thanks. I'm rather here." Hermione blushed nervously.

"You are?" The Professor gazed at her for a second, raising his eyebrows.

"Yes, Sir…"

"For Merlin's sake, you don't have to lie to me. I'm pretty sure you'd rather hang out with your mates than keep me company here." He muttered.

"Why d'you think I'm lying?" Hermione protested.

"Because I do think it's pretty strange that you would prefer my company before your friends'." Severus explained simply.  
"You're not my friend, then?" Her eyes went blank. "Then who is my friend?" She added.

"I-I…Well...You..." He stuttered.

Hermione had never seen her Professor in such a loss of words. It was very unlike him. She stood up and made her way towards him.

"You are afraid of love, aren't you?" She whispered softly.

"Why do you think that?" He didn't dare to meet her eyes.

Hermione didn't say anything; instead she placed herself in Severus' lap and wrapped his arms around her. To her amazement, he embraced her tightly like he was afraid to lose her.

"You know, I do prefer your company…" She mumbled.

"I see." His grip of her lightened and he saw right into her eyes. "Why do you do this?"

"Because I want to. I do want your body next to mine." Hermione smiled slightly.

"I'm your teacher…" He added after a pause.

"I don't care." She shrugged.

"Just don't do anything you may regret later."

"I'm glad you're not my Dad. I'd hate that." Hermione giggled.

"I'd hate to be your father." He smiled a little.

"Right. You know, there is one thing I'd like to do…"  
"Go ahead." The man rolled his eyes.

"Yeah…" She leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on his mouth. The rough lips felt way better than she'd ever dreamed about. "You don't have to say anything…"

"Indeed." He mused. "Maybe we shouldn't take this any further… You're only 15. And you are my student."

"So what? I am old enough to decide over my actions. I'm 16 soon."

"But, I... You were right, I am afraid of love. I just..." His voice disappeared.

"So am I. It's nothing to be ashamed of."


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14 – You**

The hours passed by and Severus realized that it was time for dinner. Hermione had fallen asleep, leaning on Severus' chest, when they'd sat down in the sofa, two hours earlier. The professor watched his student with an affection he hadn't shown anyone for many years. Carefully, he poked Hermione's arm a little and she groaned a little. He lifted her body off his chest and made her sit up in a decent way.

"Hey, why did you have to wake me up? It can't be morning yet." She rubbed her eyes and sent him an annoyed glance.

"Because it's time for dinner and I would find it rather pleasant with something to eat. Also, Albus would find it rather weird if we didn't show up for dinner. And, what if someone entered my quarters and saw you leaning on my chest? I do not think that would be such a good idea." Severus explained in his usual I-am-a-professor-and-I-demand-respect-voice.

"You don't have to be so formal always, do you?" Hermione gazed at him for a few a couple of seconds, as though she was hoping to find the answer to her question in his face.

"Someone has to be it." He snapped.

"Hey, stop it! I know you too well to believe that is really you." She said amused.

"Damn…" Severus cursed, with a little grin on his lips.

"You know you like me." She whispered and pecked him on the cheek.

"Aww. Miss Granger, that was very inappropriate. Who could expect that from you?"

"Have I just dreamt the last couple of hours?" Hermione mused.

"Of course not, Hermione." He answered and pulled her into comfortable hug. "Yes, I know I like you." His masculine hands caressed Hermione's hair and he breathed in her scent.

"Yep, you better do. Otherwise, I would have to… Never mind."  
"Let's go. I'm hungry. And…" He paused. "Please be careful with what you say about me. I don't want any…Hrm… rumours to circle. You know what I mean. Can you do me a favour, please?" Severus said, smiling a little at Hermione.

"I get what you mean. Yes, of course I can do you a favour. What do you want me to do?" She ran a hand through his hair and made it kind of messy, which actually suited him.

"Eat. That's all I ask of you." Severus said seriously. "If you don't, I'll force you to eat here, after the dinner." He added, half-joking.

"I should have guessed. I'll try, okay?" Hermione promised.

"Yes, love. Um. How does my hair look? I guess it's pretty messy, isn't it?"

"Perhaps, but it really suits you." She said frankly, caressing his back of the neck.  
"Stop it." He muttered.

"What shall I stop, this?" She said innocently and touched him a little harder to show him what she meant.

"You know what I mean, Miss Granger." He retorted dryly.

"Oh, right. I just forgot. Sorry, Professor Snape." She moved her hand away from his body.

"Sure. You know, I never said I didn't like it when you touch me…"

"You're right. I just supposed you didn't." She lied.

"Don't assume things before you've checked fact." He kissed her gently on her mouth.

"Okay. Please do it again…" She mumbled.

"This?" The man kissed her again.

"Yes.. That." She smiled pleasantly.

"Time for dinner now, get up." Severus stood up and offered Hermione his arm.

"You're such a gentleman." Hermione giggled.

"I am." He shrugged.

"I like you very much…" She whispered into his ear.  
"Because I'm a gentleman?" Severus joked. "Just kidding. I like you too."

Only a few of the teachers looked up when they heard Severus sit down at the table. As always, he started to eat his dinner in silence, listening to what the other professors said. It was mostly senseless nonsense. Bullshit, in Severus' ears.

"…think Mrs. Woolsey can be foolish sometimes, don't you think so Poppy?" Rolanda said.

"Definitely, like when she trusted her…."

'Blah blah blah, they're ridiculous', Severus thought.

"Severus, how is Miss Granger feeling? I heard you were sick, but at least you seem to be all right now." Minerva asked, not hiding that she was concerned about Hermione.

"Yes, you haven't poisoned her, have you?" Poppy chipped in.

"Of course not. She's quite all right." Severus sighed.

"Good, because if you harm her in any way I'll…" Minerva added.   
"Minerva, she's not your child for Merlin's sake!" He protested.

"Why isn't she eating? Are you sure you haven't poisoned her, Severus?" Poppy asked, gazing at Hermione.

"I'm sure Miss Granger can take care of her eating-habits as well as we do. It's not like she's five years old. Probably she's just not hungry." Severus retorted dryly.

"I still think it's quite pity that Albus chose you to take care of her." Minerva muttered.

"Minerva, I'm sure Severus does his duty very well. I do not doubt that he can take care of Miss Granger." Albus chipped in, his voice a bit amused. He was used to Severus and Minerva disputes.

"I suppose I must trust you then." Minerva said, defeated. "I just don't get why he, of all teachers, was the one who got to be her guardian. He doesn't even want it! I'm sure I'd do it better." Minerva snapped.

"Because obviously Albus thought I was the one who'd take care of her the best…" Severus added scornfully, smiling inside.

"You don't believe that, do you?" Minerva hissed.

"I beg your pardon?" Severus shot back.

"I…" Minerva stopped but Severus interrupted her.  
"I won't listen to any of your stupidities. Frankly speaking, I'm not happy to have that Granger girl living with me, but I have no choice. You of all should know that one cannot refuse to protect one of Voldemort's victims. I can assure you that I can take care of your little favourite-Gryffindor." He snapped.

"I don't give her any preferential treatment. You should look at yourself; you give the students of your house such a preferential treatment." Minerva muttered.  
"Good day, Minerva." Severus voice was cold as ice as he stood up and headed towards the Gryffindor table where Hermione was sitting.

"Miss Granger." He said as he stood behind Hermione.

"Oh, I'm ready." Hermione tried hard not to smile to the sight of her favourite-professor.

"Good." Severus added dryly.

A couple of heads turned to them as they walked out of the Great Hall, most of the eyes were filled with compassion for Hermione. As soon as they entered Severus' quarters, they dropped their formal images.

"You didn't eat." Severus stated and put his arm around Hermione's shoulders.

"I wasn't hungry." She protested and looked away from his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"I see. Minerva thought I had something to do with your non-eating." He led her to the couch, sat down next to her and started massaging her.

"Sorry." She closed her eyes and enjoyed the massage. "I just can't eat. And, it isn't very pleasant to talk to Ron and Harry. Not anyone else in Gryffindor, by the way."  
"It's not your fault you can't eat, so don't be sorry. I'm sure you can find other pleasant company in your house." Severus stated, placing a soft kiss on her forehead.


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15 – Astonished**

Albus sat at his desk with twinkling eyes. Seeing his potions master's changes was one of the most amusing happenings he'd witnessed in his entire life. He just hoped it wouldn't go too far. Certainly, it wouldn't be good if Severus entered a relationship with his student, nor for them or for Albus. The last he wanted to was to hurt Severus in any way, but if his glances at his student continued, he certainly had to do something. Though he didn't want to be the one who had to split the relationship if it ever became one.

'But he really deserves this.' A voice in his head chimed in.

"May I?" Hermione smiled softly, sneaking up behind Severus as he sat in the couch in his living room. She put her hands around Severus neck and caressed him, as to show what she was up to.

"You've done all your homework now?" Severus retorted dryly.

"I take that as a yes." She whispered and undressed Severus robe and noticed that he was wearing black trousers (she wasn't surprised) and a dark blue sweater over a white shirt. "I see you've put on more clothes since this morning." She stated.

"Indeed. I'm certainly impressed by your intelligence." He smirked at her.

"Hmm…. How is that undressing spell? Now I've forgotten." Hermione said.

"This one? Lamilus" He answered and with a swing of his wand, Hermione's robe was undressed and hung from the top of Severus' wand. "Muggle clothes, I see."

"Yes, that one. Thanks. Lamilus." She said and swung her wand and undressed Severus his sweater, very much to his discomfort.

"You know I just want to… see more of you!" She smiled at him and unbuttoned a couple of buttons of his shirt.

"How nice of you." He retorted dryly. "I'm so pleased." Severus rolled his eyes.

Hermione caressed his chest and once again that day, Severus was enchanted by her movements. "I knew you'd love it."  
"Miss Granger, as to be the brightest witch of your age, you're really stupid sometimes. In this case, who doesn't like to be touched by a beautiful woman?" He smiled at her.

"You think I'm beautiful?" She whispered, giving his neck a small kiss.

"I certainly do." Severus retorted, nodding.

"May I… undress this garment as well?" Hermione asked, her eyes glimmering.

"If you find it more comfortable, then do so."  
"As you wish, Sir." She said softly and pulled the shirt off him.

Severus' upper body was very muscular indeed, his shoulders much broader than she had imagined. Every muscle, from his arms to his chest and stomach, was lean and defined, yet not bulky such as those of heavy-weight champions. With shock she noticed that there were a number of scars adorning his chest, ranging from large to small and ending near his neck. On the left side of his ribs was a long deep slash, like a knife wound.

Hermione gasped. "I…How?" Was all she could say.

"I'm a spy, Hermione." Severus said and his eyes were suddenly filled with sadness.

"I know, but…" She caressed the scars carefully and noticed him flinch when her palms touched the big slash. "It does hurt, doesn't it?"  
"Hermione, maybe it would be best, for both of us, if we…" He began speaking.

"No. When was this?" She asked and touched the big scar.

"One week ago. I'm sorry; it wasn't my intention that you would see it."

"Did he…did Voldemort do that to you?" She massages his shoulders slowly and noticed his tension. "Relax. I'm not going to harm you, you know."

"Yes, he did." He tried to relax and enjoy her movements but failed.  
"I suppose he made the other scars as well?"

"Naturally. Hermione, I didn't want you to…"  
"Are there more? On your back? Please say there isn't any…" Hermione mumbled.

"Hermione, I think it would be best if.." He began, but Hermione interrupted him once again.

"Stand up. Please." She begged, waiting for Severus to obey.

After a couple of seconds, he stood up, watching Hermione's reaction closely. His back was covered with scars, some of them new, still red, and some of them old, barely visible.

"I can't find words…" She panted and wrapped her arms around Severus' half naked body.

"It's alright. I'm used to it." He muttered, stroking her hair.

"Though the scars aren't enough to make your upper body look unsexy." She smirked.

"Miss Granger!" Severus exclaimed.

"Hermione?" She tried.

"Alright, Hermione…" He sighed.  
"Does Dumbledore know about your…injuries?"  
"Of course he does." He said curtly.

"Then why the hell is he letting this go on? You could die for fuck's sake!" She exclaimed.

"I know. My intention was that no one would miss me if I passed away…" He explained and sat them both down on the sofa. "Until you came into my life. You know, I've been thinking of you very much ever since you took your first step into Hogwarts. I've wanted to talk properly with you ever since that first day. But, I'd promised myself not to make a bound with any human again. Also, I do whole this spy thing for a good thing, I can prevent deaths of innocent people." He placed an arm around Hermione's shoulders. "Hermione, I've done so many horrible things in my life, there isn't any way for me to become a pure man again, at least not pure of heart. I deserve this; after all I've done… I can't make you understand me, but please respect me and my actions. The scars don't hurt all that much…" Severus added.

"Don't lie to me. They hurt. Otherwise you wouldn't flinch when I touch them. What kind of horrible things have you done? They can't be that bad, can they?" She gave him a kiss but he jerked away.

"I just want you to know… I can't stand this with you not knowing… Hermione… I've murdered a child. I raped her. I…I took her life. She w-was just a c-child. I still rape women… y-young girls." He stuttered nervously.

"Because Voldemort forced you?" She asked.

"Yes. If I hadn't been so stupid that I joined Voldemort, probably that girl would have been alive now. It was a test. Voldemort wanted me to show that I was him loyal. I raped a six-year-old for fuck's sake!" He raised his voice in despair. "There is no way I can make good for that, but I try to do my best…" Severus looked down, ashamed.

"So you didn't do it of your own free will?"

"Of course not." He mumbled.

"Severus, look at me." Slowly she left his jaw and made him look into her eyes. "I don't care about what you've done. I care about what you do. Obviously you regret that you murdered her and that's what means to me. The dark power can have influence even over the best wizards like you. You regret what you've done and that's good." She said calmly.

"Thank you." He gave her a passionate kiss. "I'd rather wear some clothes now." He smirked.

"Of course. Um.. Isn't there anything you can do to heal the scars?" She hesitated.

"No there isn't. They're made of a curse. I believe it's time for you to go to bed now."  
"Please no. What about the spy training?" She smiled.

"Let's postpone it's again. You fainted today for God's sake. Go to bed now, no objections!"


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16 - Morning**

Severus sat up suddenly, and rubbed his eyes. As always, when he woke up before dawn, there was this nightmare that had waked him up. As he saw a few couple of sunrays outside the window, he decided there was no way he could fall asleep again. Instead he dressed himself and made his bed. He looked at the wall which was connected to Hermione's room and to his surprise, he found her at her desk, studying.

"Why the hell is she studying at 5 o'clock in the morning?" He mused. "And on a Saturday."

Severus walked out of his room and knocked at her door. After just a few seconds she responded with a simply "Come in".

"Good morning, Severus." Hermione smiled at him. She closed her books and turned around to meet his eyes.

"Morning." He nodded shortly. "Had a nice sleep?"

"Err… Not exactly. I didn't sleep very well. What about you?" She retorted.

"So that's why you're up studying at 5 'o'clock? You really should rest. It's Saturday, after all. I'm sure you're not behind in school." Severus said and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"Well, I had these essays I had to do. You know, I want to double-check everything too. It takes a lot of time. Since I couldn't sleep, I thought it would be insane to waste the time on worthless thoughts. Why are you up this early, if I may ask?" She questioned.  
"You don't may ask, Miss Granger." He said curtly and then frowned. "Why do you think thinking is worthless?" He added in a deep voice.

"I didn't say thinking in itself is worthless, I said my thoughts were worthless. Never mi..." She was interrupted by a soft kiss on her lips. 'Gods, those rough lips are wonderful', she thought.

"Hermione…" He spoke in a low voice. "I do not think your thoughts are worthless."

"Kiss me again…" She answered.

"As you wish, Miss." He bent forward and kissed her passionately. "Let's get out to the living room. I'd like to have a cup of coffee." He said and offered her his arm, leading the way out to the living room.  
"Oh, right."

"Sit down. Do you want coffee or tea?" Severus asked politely.

"Tea, please." She answered and sat down.

"Here you are." He handed her a cup of hot tea which he'd made with a swing of his wand.

"Thanks." The student giggled as she saw the liquid in his cup.

"What's so amusing?" He eyed her suspiciously.

"Your coffee, it's black."  
"Thanks for stating the obvious." He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh, I just think it suits you." She smiled cunningly at him.  
"Actually, it doesn't. I hate it; I just drink it to waken." He retorted dryly.

"Oh… right. I see."  
"Yes." He sipped on his coffee.

"You like muggles, don't you? I mean, look at your books. And you even have some mugglepaintings on your walls." She smirked.

"I cannot say I fancy muggles in any way, they're way too boring. But I like their literature, art and also some music. Have you ever been to a musical or an opera?" He answered, smiling slightly, obviously loosing up quite a bit.

"Oh, yes! Many times. I love it. Which is your favourite one?" She beamed at him; it was so obvious he liked this topic, she thought, pleased with herself.

"Well, I like many of them. 'Les Miserables' is pretty good. I've seen 'Fame' too. The music isn't really my kind but it's quite all right. 'Cats' and 'Jesus Christ Superstar' are wonderful. 'West side story' is nice. I've seen loads of operas which I don't remember the names of. But I think the one I like the most have to be 'The Phantom of the Opera'. The music is magnificent." Severus smiled at her and took a big gulp of his coffee and then grimaced.  
"Oh! I love it. I've been to 'The Phantom of the Opera' as well. I think I've seen it for like four times. I just love the music. I wish I'd seen it with the original cast. Sarah Brightman must have been great…" She said, excited.

"She was. Actually, I saw it on the opening night, in 1984. Since then I think I've seen it ten times. The cast has always been great but the original cast was the best. No one can be compared to Sarah Brightman and Michael Crawford." He said simply.

"Lucky you. I saw it my first time when I was nine years old, in 1989. Which is your favourite song?" She asked thoughtfully.

"'The Point of no return' and 'Wishing you were somehow here again' but I like all the songs. And your?"  
"'Wishing you were somehow here again' and 'Think of me'. Actually, I can sing them both pretty well; I guess that's why I love those two the most." She smiled shyly. 'Gods, talking about musicals with Severus… How…odd.'

"Sing for me." He demanded and nodded encouraging to her.

"Now? No…" She blushed, slightly embarrassed.  
"Hermione let me hear you sing 'Wishing you were somehow here again', please."

'Whoa, it isn't often he begs someone to anything', she thought.

"Um… okay. Don't laugh or I'll kill you." She joked.

"There will be no need for that."  
"Err. Right."  
"Sing." He urged.

"_You were once my one companion, you were all that mattered. You were once a friend and father, then my world was shattered. Wishing you were somehow here again, wishing you were somehow near. Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed, somehow you would be here. Wishing I could hear your voice again, knowing that I never would. Dreaming of you won't help me to do all that you dreamed I could._" Hermione became silent.

"You've a wonderful voice, Hermione." He whispered, astonished. "Have you been singing somewhere, like in a choir? Or have you been appearing somewhere?"  
"Not really. I use to join a couple of talent shows during the summer break but except for that, no. I don't have time for it, unfortunately." She sighed.  
"I suppose you've won many of them?" He asked.

'Oh, one of those Snape-compliments' "I've been competing in around 15 I think, I've won at least ten of them."  
"I'm not surprised at all. You've an amazing voice. Too bad you're not singing anywhere. You'd be a great artist."

"Sure." She rolled her eyes. "Thank you, but I don't believe that. My voice is average."

"Too bad you've such bad self-confidence. So what are you gonna do today? You're not gonna study all day, are you?"

"No, that'd been way too boring. I'd been planning to take a walk, with you. It isn't time for breakfast yet, anyway."

"I'm not in a mood for a walk now. Way too tired. I think I need another cup of coffee."

"You don't even like it." She protested.

"So?" He added in a sharp voice which no one ever argued with.  
"Never mind." She mumbled. "You wanna go for a walk later?"

"Maybe." He shrugged and sipped on his coffee.


	18. Chapter 17

Thanks so much for the reviews! )  
Oh, and maybe it was a little silly with Hermione singing in Chap. 16, but I couldn't resist from writing it. I love the Phantom of the Opera, the music, the movie and the musical! ) It's just wonderful, so I had to write it.

I'm sorry that I don't update very often but I don't have time for it these days.. Sorry.. /

Also, I know there probably are loads of grammatic wrongs in the the story, my English isn't very good. I'm just 14, after all, and English isn't my native language...

Anyway, enjoy the chapter! )

**Chapter 17 – Bad signs**

"Oh look! Someone's swimming! That must be cold!" Hermione exclaimed and raised her hand in front of her eyes to avoid the sunrays. Although it was September, it was still very warm outside and she wished she hadn't taken the warm cloak. After many "begs", she'd finally managed to get Severus out for a walk.  
"No, I don't think so. When I went to Hogwarts as a student, I enjoyed taking baths in the lake at this time of the day, at this time of the year." Severus glanced at the swimmer for a few seconds, and then continued striding towards a big tree at the end of the lake.

"Where are we going?" She was almost running to catch up to his pace.

"To a place which not many people know about." He answered without looking at her.

"Okay…" She nodded confused.

Not a single word was said until they reached the big tree.  
"Just follow me." Severus hissed and led the way into a small glade.

"It's beautiful!" Hermione smiled at him.

"Just like you." He pulled her into a hug and swept his robes around her.

'Gods, did I say that? I'm turning into some bloody romantic dork!' he thought, astonished.

Hermione interrupted his thoughts with a smooth kiss. For a moment he just pulled her tighter and enjoyed her presence until he remembered where they were.

"Miss Granger, we better finish this here." He took a step back, eyeing her carefully.

"Right… Sorry."

"Let's go back. The breakfast is probably ready by now." He turned around and walked out of the glade.

"You know, if someone told me one week ago that I'd be kissing my Potions master a week later, I'd probably hit that person. I never thought this could happen… I never even imagined that you could be like this." She said thoughtfully.

"Indeed." He said dryly.

"Don't use that voice…" She complained. "What I meant was that I never thought you'd loosen up in four days…!"  
"Me neither. And, don't tell me what to do or what not to do, Miss Granger. You are not in a position to tell me that." He muttered stubbornly.

"So what am I in a position to ask then?" Hermione raised her eyebrows sarcastically.

"Shut it. Now let's get have something proper to eat." He shrugged.

"Good Morning, Severus. There was quite a while since you had Saturday breakfast with us, wasn't it?" Albus greeted Severus as he sat down next to him in the Great Hall.

"Morning, Albus. Yes, it was." Severus scowled.  
"I was looking for you earlier, but you weren't in your quarters."  
"I know." He mumbled and served himself porridge.

"So where were you?" Albus smiled at him cunningly.

"I was just out for a walk, Headmaster, if that's so important to you." Severus retorted.

"Oh right. I assume Miss Granger accompanied you."  
"Yes, she did."

"Severus, there are a few matters I need to discuss with you about that student."

"Yes, Albus?" He swallowed nervously inside but hid his feelings very well on the outside.

"See me in my office after breakfast; I'm sure Minerva can take care of her for a while. At least, she's her head of house." Albus decided.

"She's not a child, Albus." Severus added. "But if you insist, I'll take her to Minerva."

One hour later, Severus was in the Headmaster's office discussing, according to him, very unpleasant matters. After listening to the Headmaster for a couple of minutes, Severus finally decided to speak.

"So you think I'm having an affair with a student? For God's sake, Albus, do you think that I would seduce a student? I would never sink that low!" Without noticing Severus raised his voice notable. His hands grabbed the arm rests harder and it was quite obvious that he disliked the topic Albus had brought up.  
"Severus, I didn't accuse you for anything. All I said was that I've been noticing your glances at her and I don't want it to go too far. I don't want to be the one who has to split you when you've hooked up. Severus, I don't want to see you hurt. That's all." Albus explained. "I do think it's great that you've found a friend in her, but I can't allow it to develop into something more than a very friendly student-teacher-relationship." He added as he saw the other man frowning. Albus put his hand over Severus' friendly but the young man jerked his hand away like he'd been burned.

"It seems like I've lost your trust." Severus muttered. "I assure you, there's nothing more than a simple kind of friendship between Miss Granger and me. Also, you were talking about glances. I am the one who's supposed to be her guardian, right? Then I have to watch her. I am just doing my duty, Albus." He continued curtly.

"Why do you think I chose you to be her guardian, Severus? Do you seriously think that I would have chosen you if I didn't trust you?" Albus smiled gently at him.  
"Headmaster, I…" Severus began.

"No, I wouldn't." Albus interrupted. "Severus, I'm just warning you. That's all. I am sorry if you thought I didn't trust you. That wasn't my intention at all."

"Good. I see." Severus nodded jerkily.  
"You may go, just keep my words in your mind, okay?" He smiled at the younger man.  
"Yes. Good day, Headmaster." Severus rose and headed towards the door.

"Good day, Severus." Albus said, amused and closed the door after Severus.

"Hello, Minerva. I suppose I shall take care of Miss Granger now." Severus sighed tiredly.

"Hi, Severus. Yes, that's right." Minerva answered and let him into her office where Hermione was sitting in a chair, reading.

"Miss Granger." He nodded to her and waited for her to rise.

"Oh Hi, Se…Professor." She blushed and stood up. "Thank you, Professor McGonagall."  
"No problem, Miss Granger. Good day, Severus." Minerva smiled as she opened the door.  
Severus nodded shortly to Minerva and then walked along the corridor with his robes billowing around his legs.

"Did you have a pleasant meeting with the Headmaster?" Hermione asked as they entered the dungeons' corridor.

"It was nothing special." Severus lied and mumbled the password into his office.

He handed her the bottle of floo-powder and then entered his quarters, where he sat down in the sofa, waiting for Hermione to do the same.

"Did you have a pleasant time with Minerva?" He sneered.

"Yes, why?" She eyed him questioningly.

"Nothing." His lips curled at little. "So what do you want to do today?"

"This?" She asked and leaned over and kissed him.

"Yes…" He wrapped his arms around her and pressed her against his own body. Suddenly he just let her go and grimaced. He rolled up his left sleeve and found the mark burning red. To Hermione dissatisfaction, she saw that he was in pain. "Please tell the Headmaster that I've been summoned by the Dark Lord." He said and swept out of the room. "I'll be back later."


	19. Chapter 18

**I'm sorry it took so long to update.. **

**Thanks everyone for the reviews:) I'm so grateful that someone likes the story.**

**I know Minerva McGonagall is so out of character in this chapter, but I couldn't write it in any ohter way :S I know this chapter isn't so good, but I had absolutely no ideas so this is what it become... Just think "Minerva is just concerned about her favourite student." lol ;)**

**Thanks to those who told be about the chapter 1 thing, I think it's correct now.. **

**Enjoy the chapter:)**

Anna Black: You're so right about Severus, sorry, I just love to write him like this :P lol Also, I know he left her just like that, but messing with the Dark lord isn't such a good idea ;) he was in a hurry..I guess your right about that slim-fit thing in a way, but, I mean, Severus is totally crazy in her, he thinks she's fit however she looks..

VictoriaM2006: No he can't really leave he like that, but he had too, since the Dark lord was summoning him, I'm sure you don't want to be late to any of his meetings ;) lol

Smiles28and WannaBArtist: Oh cool with PotO fans! I have been to both the musical and the movie but the musical was the best, you really should see it, it's so lovely! Which is your favourite song?

Big thanks to everyone else who reviewed!

**Chapter 18 – Thoughts**

Hermione almost ran to the Headmaster's office, she didn't even notice she ran into Albus Dumbledore himself. Glad the Headmaster didn't drop anything, she stood up.

"What makes you stride in such a hurry, Miss Granger? And why are you alone? I thought I told Severus to watch you." Albus said, with a hint of amusement in his voice.

"I'm so sorry, professor. Didn't mean to run into you. I, well… Seve…Professor Snape was summoned." Her voice was truly concerned, Albus noticed.

"Oh, I see. Thanks for telling me."

"He asked me to." She blushed without knowing why.

"Very well then. Please tell him to inform me when he arrives. I shall accompany you to Minerva, all right?" Albus said, smiling at her.

"Yes, Sir." She squirmed as with anxiety. "He'll back soon, right?"

"I believe so, Miss Granger. Now, let me escort you to Minerva's office."

"Oh, it's no problem. I understand. You can leave Miss Granger under my care. I'll take care of her until Severus will be here." Minerva assured the headmaster.  
"Thank you, Minerva. Good day to you both." Albus turned around and left Hermione in Minerva's office.

"Good day, Albus." Minerva nodded and gestured to a chair. "Sit down, Miss Granger. There's something I'd like to talk to you about."  
"Yes, professor?" Hermione sat down in the chair, fingering with her hair nervously.

"Oh, it's nothing big, dear. Would you like some tea?"

"No, thank you."  
"Okay." Minerva shrugged and sat down in the chair opposite to Hermione's. "I'm just wondering how you can deal with spending so much time with Severus? I know he can be such an interesting person sometimes, and even nice other times, but I hardly think he's nice around any student at this school. He can be so… inaccessible sometimes. I know it must have been hard for you to leave the Gryffindor tower, and I… You get what I mean, don't you?" The old woman smiled gently and shifted position in her chair.  
"No, professor, actually I don't." Hermione said curtly. "Well, I mean… I know he can be so… tense and harsh sometimes but he's quite alright when he's not around other people. And, it wasn't that hard to leave the Gryffindor tower, I can hardly say I miss somebody…"

"I'm sure you do, Miss Granger. Now, I've noticed that you're not spending any time in the Gryffindor tower, has that anything to do with Severus? Has he refused to accompany you there? If he has I'm going to talk to him about it. Surely, you need to be around people of your age more than during the lessons."  
"Professor, Professor Snape has asked me several times if I want to be there but I've said no."

"Oh, right… So, does he treat you well, dear?" Minerva was so obviously concerned about her perfect Gryffindor-student.

"Yes, professor, there's no need to worry. I'm just fine." Hermione lied and quickly broke the eye contact with the other woman.

"I've also noticed you're not sitting with Mr Potter and Mr Weasley in my classes, and obviously not in any other lesson either, since I've asked your professors. What has happened between you?"

"Well, it's nothing big really. We just had a little argue, that's all." Hermione shrugged.

"I like the way you describes the end of a six-year-old friendship, Miss Granger. It seems like you didn't take it very hard, if it is so, then I'm very disappointed in you. I thought you cared more about your friends." Minerva's gaze was cold as ice.

Hermione lowered her head silently and sighed. 'Why did Severus have to go?' "Professor, I did care a lot for my friends, but certain circumstances made me change my mind. Sorry to talk back to you, but what I think of my so-called friends isn't any of your concern even if you wish it was." She retorted dryly and met her professor's glance once again.

"What was that argue about?" Her professor asked abruptly, totally ignoring what Hermione had just said.

"Severus Snape, I mean Professor Snape." Hermione answered and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Please explain a little bit more. That name isn't enough for me to understand what you were arguing about. Miss Granger, this is of my concern since I am your head of house. I care about you, that's why I'm asking you about this. I've noticed that you're hardly eating anything. Maybe it does seem important to be slim at your age, but you're already way too slim to be healthy." Minerva spoke softly, like a mother would have done to her daughter.

"Well… Ron and Harry wanted to make a prank to Professor Snape but I didn't agree. I just thought it'd be silly and unnecessary. No one deserves that kind of prank they were thinking of. Anyway, I disagreed with them and they wondered why I was d-defending Severus, I mean, Professor Snape… I said I didn't defend him a-at all and that I just didn't w-want to be a part of the prank. I told them they were immature." Hermione said slowly, her voice was trembling of unwanted nervousness.

"That's not really a big deal, is it? Are you sure there isn't anything more that you've forgotten to tell me?" The old woman asked curiously.

"Um… not really. I mean, I guess they were wondering why I never visit the Gryffindor tower, but that's not really such a big deal, in my opinion. Severus, Professor Snape, has asked me several times if I want to go there…"

"Does he allow you to call him Severus?" Minerva was rather astonished.

"Err… yes. But only when we're in his quarters. Actually I wanted to, I asked him, because I found it so… silly to call him professor all the time, now when we're living together. I thought it'd be easier for me to stand living with him, if I didn't think of him as a professor." Hermione cursed herself for letting her tongue slip so many times. "But, professor, please don't tell anyone, I'm not quite sure he'd want everyone to know. You know, he wants to be that kind of recluse as no one really knows." She sneered.

"Oh right. I won't. Thanks for being honest with me." Minerva smiled at her. "So have you got to know him any better than before?" She asked curiously.

"Professor, why are you asking that?" Hermione raised her eyebrows questioningly.

"Oh, there's no real reason." Minerva chuckled. "We both know how Severus behaves around people and I was just curious if he's that ice cold even when he's alone with such a cute girl as you." She smiled cunningly.  
"What are you referring to, professor?" Hermione asked sceptically.

"Nothing, dear." The professor smiled innocently.

"As I've said, he does treat me well enough. There's no need to scold him for not treating me well, and yes, of course I've got to know him better since I'm spending almost 16 hours a day with him… I'm afraid I don't get what you're talking about, professor. If there's anything you want to know, just ask it and I'll decide whether I'll answer it or not." Hermione sighed.

"Does Severus fancy you? If he does, I'm going to kill him." Minerva said protectively.

"Gods, was it only that? You could've asked that earlier. Seriously, I'm almost 100 sure he doesn't have any interest in me at all. If he has, he's hid it very well." Hermione answered, a small smile playing on her lips. "At least he's not treating me like he likes me at all." She lied.


	20. Chapter 19

**Thanks everyone for the reviews!  
Next chapter might be the last one, but probably I'll make a sequel to this one.. :)**

**Chapter 19 – Unexpected**

Severus Snape watched himself in his mirror another time. He had to be 100 sure that he looked normal before he went out of his quarters. It wouldn't seem so good if his face was covered by three deep scars, as it was five minutes ago. Though this had been quite lenient pain, it still hurt like he had a thousand needles stuck into his face. Thanks God, there was this spell to hide the scars! As usually, Voldemort had made no secret of what he thought. Severus grimaced as he remembered their last encounter.

"_Severus, pray tell, why on earth did you keep this kind of information from me? Surely you knew I'd like to know it, didn't you?" Lord Voldemort dug his dark eyes into Severus' and forced him to meet his glance._

"_Lord, I haven't been able to leave Hogwarts, Dumbledore watches me too much. I am certain he thinks I'm hiding something." 'Which is quite true' he thought. Severus didn't dare letting Voldemort see how he sent unpleasant chills along Severus' back. "Since I've been keeping the Granger girl company all the time, there hasn't been any possibility for me to leave Hogwarts."  
"Then tell me how you were able to get here today? Severus, you really are a terrible liar." Voldemort's voice was cold as ice and he raised his wand._

"_The girl was in the library and I asked McGonagall to watch her, under the pretext that I had to buy some stuff in the Diagon Alley. My Lord, I would never lie to you." Severus didn't move a muscle as he watched the other man pointing his wand at him._

"_Next time, I expect you to update me with what happens around Hogwarts, and around you. I am very disappointed in you, Severus. Don't give me any reason to be it again. I want you to bring the girl to our next meeting; I will inform you later when and where it will be. It'll be great fun to see what she has to say, and of course we can use her for…some other actions. Crucio." Voldemort smiled scornfully and pointed his wand at Severus as he spoke the last word._

"Oh hello, Severus. Glad you're back." Albus smiled at the younger man as he entered the room. "Are you all right?  
"Hello, Albus. Yes, I'm quite all right. I have some important matters to discuss with you about Hermione Granger." Severus sat down in the chair, opposite to Albus', without waiting for an invitation.

"Yes. Speaking of Miss Granger, she's with Minerva."

"Voldemort knows about Miss Granger's staying with me, and he was… quite angry with me for not telling him." He paused a second as he recalled the memories. "Anyway, he wants me to bring her next meeting. We'll have to get her out of my quarters so Voldemort will think that I won't be able to bring her. Apparently he's got plans for her." Severus broke their eye contact and focused his eyes on a spot next to Albus' head.

"That's certainly bad news. You said he was angry with you, you're not hurt are you?" Albus asked, his blue eyes widening with concern for the younger man.  
"Not badly." Severus lied. "My suggestion is that we get Miss Granger moved to Minerva as soon as possible."

"Do you really think that's such a good idea? You're the one she's the safest with after all. And, from my view, it seems like you've become good friends. I just think she wouldn't do well with Minerva. Miss Granger would feel so…well I don't know really. I just think she's more relaxed with you."  
"What, pray tell, makes you think so?" Severus asked in the voice he normally reserved for very unlucky students, such as Harry Potter.

"One week ago, she hardly ate anything. She still doesn't eat a lot, but she eats. I think I have to thank you for that." Albus said, his eyes twinkling.  
"I gave her a potion, that's all." Severus shrugged.

"For what?"  
"Albus, you don't necessarily need to know everything about everyone." The younger man answered curtly.

"You're right about that." Albus nodded, smiling slightly.

"She's some eating problems. I'm sure she can handle that. She's not a child, after all. Miss Granger told me that she…anyway, that's none of your business. I made her a potion which is supposed not to make her feel sick of eating." Severus explained. "I really shouldn't be discussing her problems in details with you, since I promised not to."

"I see. Does she have faith in you?"  
"I suppose so. Why?" He asked bewildered.

"That's good. Really good." Albus smiled proudly, he'd always looked at Severus as he was his own son, although he'd never admit it to him.

"Sure. I'm sorry to say that despite the fact that she's trust in me, I do think she should move out of my quarters. It's for her own best."

"I disagree completely. Don't you think you can get her to Voldemort and in some way bring her back alive? I really need you to be in Voldemort's inner circle, Severus. If you denied him her, I'm sure you'd get punished." Albus said thoughtfully.

"Oh yes, brilliant!" Severus muttered sarcastically. "Great! I get her here alive and everything's fine. Of course Voldemort will allow me to take her back here, but she won't be in such a good condition. You old fool; you don't know what kind of injuries she'll have when I bring her back! For fuck's sake, she'll wish she never was born. I do not want to risk her in that bloody way." Severus cursed.  
"Severus, I'm quite aware of what kind of what kind of stuff the death eaters occupy their selves with." Albus said coolly.  
"Obviously not. Albus, I…" His voice faded away.

"Yes?" Albus said curiously.  
"I do not want to rape her, for God's sake. I don't want her abused in that way."  
"I'm not asking you to rape her, son. Is there any possibility that you can bring her back here in a good condition? Let's say, untouched."

"I highly doubt that. I don't want to put her in such a risk zone anyway."

"Seems like you care for her? I'm glad to see that someone finally broke the ice into your heart, Severus. And, no, I'm not saying that you're having a relationship with her. All I'm saying is that I think it's good that you have someone to care for." Albus said gently and smiled at the younger man.

"I got some ideas. When Voldemort's told me which date the next rally will be hold, you'll arrange a party that night, so she won't be able to leave Hogwarts without everyone's notice. Another idea is that we'll give her detention that night." Severus suggested, totally ignoring what Albus had just said.

"Hmm, not bad." Albus said thoughtfully. "The first one is too transparent, since probably young Mr Malfoy will report to Lucius about the party, whom will report to Voldemort. Then you'll be in big trouble, because you didn't inform him first, and if you'd inform him, he'd change the date for the meeting. The other one is good, though it's just temporary. It'll be fine for this time, but we'll have to come up with another one for next time."

"Okay, then. I think I shall leave now. Good day." He rose and headed to the door.  
"Do tell Miss Granger about what we've discussed today. Good day, Severus."


	21. Chapter 20

**hi**

**thanks for the reviews! im sorry about the late update, but i havent had time to write anything lately.. this is not the last chapter :) there will be at least five more I think..**

**xx ****andrea**

**Chapter 20 – Friends**

Hermione opened her mouth immediately when she noticed that the door into Severus' office was closed. There were so many questions she wanted to ask him, but only one seemed ready to leave her mouth.

"How was the meeting?" She mumbled, pulling him into a hug.

Severus struggled against her arms and stepped away from her. He glanced at her with disdain and ignored her bewildered eyes. "What on earth do you think you are doing? You might hope I am one of those silly little school boys, but I can assure you that you're wrong. So wrong. If, and just if, there is any possibility for us to have a relationship of any kind, you better control yourself. It seems like you've forgotten that I am the teacher here." He took a pause to breath and tried to ignore her eyes, where tears were welling up. "To answer your question, that is not of your concern, _Miss Granger._" Severus headed to his desk and sat down behind it. "What are you waiting for? Sit down; I have some important matters to discuss with you. Actually, they're concerning you."  
"Yes, Sir." The young woman stuttered and did as she was told.

"This might come as a shock to you, so be prepared for bad news." He paused to let her catch his words. "For some reason I don't know, the Dark Lord wants you. He wants me to bring you to the next summoning. Albus doesn't want to put you in that risk zone so he planned to give you detention that day, so you will not be able to leave Hogwarts." Severus explained curtly and ran a hand through his hair to make sure it was flat.  
"Yes, Sir." She nodded nervously.

"Not a word about this to a single person, understood?" He snapped.

"Yes, Sir." She repeated.

"Isn't your vocabulary bigger than 'yes, Sir'?" He raised an eyebrow. "Seems like the insufferable know-it-all is in a loss for words? Am I right?" He sneered slightly and gazed at her for a couple of seconds.

"No, Sir. You're not right. First of all, I want an explanation. Maybe you're just playing a charade now, who knows? Unless you're that bastard I thought you were from the beginning."

Hermione said ice-coolly. The sadness had flown away and was replaced with anger.

"I won't have you speaking to me like that." He snapped. "Fo…"  
"For the love of God, can't you do any better? Seriously, I couldn't care less if you deducted house points… Detention, yeah, sure, my life can't get any worse than what it already is. Give me one year worth of detentions with Filch if that makes you feel better."

'Why? Why me? Why do I have to endure this insufferable girl? The worst is that she's so right. Whatever I do, it won't affect her in the way I want to.' Severus thought angrily.

"Miss Granger, surely you don't want to…" He began, spitting out the words.

"Oh you shut up! I'm sick of hearing your sarcastic sentences!" Hermione rose and was on her way into Severus' quarters when she felt him grabbing her left wrist.

"There is other ways to affect you, Miss Granger." The man hissed in her ear and pressed her body onto the wall. He pressed his lips against hers and parted her lips.

"What the hell do you think you are doing?" Hermione gasped as Severus left her mouth for a few seconds to take a new breath. "You stop right now!" She shouted, really afraid of knowing what he was able to do.

"Indeed. I don't find any pleasure in this. See it as a warning." He muttered and stepped away from her. Finally he realized what he had just done.

"How dare you? I've never ever felt more insulted. What the hell Voldemort did to you under that meeting is very much my business. Now you tell me! I thought I meant something to you, but apparently you're a very good actor. I hate you! You have no bloody right to treat me like you just did. I… I." Her voice trailed off and she burst into tears and sank down on the floor.

Severus stood there, watching the young woman crying in front of him. And worst of all, it was because of him. He immediately knew that he'd gone too far. Not only had he failed the chances he had to make her love him, he had also destroyed the faith he had in him.

"Hermione, I…" He started but she cut him off.  
"Miss Granger to you." She muttered between the sobs. "Why? Why did you do this to me? This morning, you were so…"

Now it was his turn to cut her off. "Miss Granger," He started, calling her by her last name to show her that he had respect for her. "A relationship with me can be dangerous. Very dangerous, for both of us. I think it's best for us both if we keep the normal distance between a teacher and a student. It's certainly not appropriate if we go on like this. I'm sorry if I created hopes in you, it wasn't my intention." He explained with a sad look on his face.

"I thought you felt something for me, professor."

"I do. What I didn't tell you was that, the other day, Albus asked me if I was having an affair with you. He also told me that it was highly inappropriate. Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you this way. I do think you're a nice girl and…"

"So that's the problem, you see me as a girl, thank you very much." She snorted.

"Hermione, you're not of age. Well, what I was going to say is that I do think you're clever, funny and beautiful, but I can't continue this." He said softly, looking into her brown eyes.

"We're still friends, aren't we?" She asked, suddenly very insecure.  
"Indeed. Come on, we can't stand her all day. I fancy a good book and a cup of tea."

Half an hour later, Severus sat in his living room, reading a novel and sipping on his tea. He was so concentrated on the book that he didn't even notice when Hermione entered the room. Slowly, she approached him and stopped when she was right behind him. She unbuttoned his robe and dragged it off him. Her small hands started massaging his shoulders and she smiled.

"Hermione, I told you not to do things like this." He muttered quietly and turned around to meet her eyes.

"Friends do this, Severus." She whispered and turned his face away from her. When she didn't hear any protest, she started massaging him again.

"My friends didn't do this." He stated, slowly relaxing as he felt her hands against his body.

"Okay, maybe not, but I do it. I just want to feel your body, is that so wrong?" She asked innocently and smiled inside.

"Hrmm…" He cleared his throat. "Maybe no, but I still think it's a bit odd. Just don't tell anyone, will you?"  
"Why shouldn't I?"  
"Because it will get you expelled."  
"Surely Albus will allow a relationship like this."  
"You wouldn't dare." He said, threatening her.

"Oh I would." She almost burst into laughter as she saw the look on his face. "Hey, I'm just kidding! Of course I won't tell anyone. Oh come on, don't look at me like that!"

"I know." He smiled slightly to her surprise. Suddenly he rose and lifted her up from the floor and sat down again with her in his lap. To her surprise, he started tickling her.

"Stop! Stop it!" She exclaimed between the roars of laughter.

"Why should I?" He smirked, happy with his position.  
"Because if you don't, I'll have you killed tonight."

"Fine. I want to live." He chuckled and released her. To his surprise she didn't stand up, instead she leaned on his thorax.

"Hermione, friends don't do this." He teased her.

"Who bloody cares? I don't."


	22. Chapter 21

Thanks so much for the reviews! This chapter is a little bit, but I loved writing the first half of it :P lol

So, um, I'd like tips on what I can do to improve my writing..

Andrea

**Chapter 21 – I am strong when I am on your shoulders**

The temperature in Severus' bedroom was high and he couldn't sleep. As usually, there was too much to worry about to get a decent sleep. Slowly, he shifted position and glanced through the wall at Hermione. She wasn't sleeping either, instead she was turning and tossing, he noticed. He looked at his wrist watch and found out that it was almost three o'clock in the morning. Once again, he yawned of fatigue and turned his pillow to the other side. One more time, his eyes fell on Hermione and he moaned slightly. He really wanted to be next to her, but that was impossible.

To his surprise, he saw Hermione stand up and she left her room in only a white nightgown.

Before thinking twice he stood up and grabbed his robe. What if Hermione was on her way somewhere? 'Hardly.' A voice said in his head. Quietly he opened his door and found Hermione mere inches from him. Apparently she'd been on her way to him.

"Explain yourself." He muttered and gazed at her.

"What? I was just up to take a glass of water." She lied quickly and blushed, but fortunately Severus wasn't able to see it, since the room was in total darkness.

"Sure you were. In my room?" He rose an eyebrow doubting.

"I wasn't on my way to your room, Sir. I was on my way to the bathroom." Hermione nodded at the bathroom door.

"Do never lie to me, Hermione." He hissed, oblivious that he sent shivers along her back. "You were on your way to my room and I'm wondering why."

"I couldn't sleep." She whispered softly.

"Granger, pray tell, what on earth has your insomnia to do with me?"

"I needed company, Sir, I…" Her voice trailed off and she looked down. She'd hope he wouldn't notice her sneaking into his room, and that she would wake up before him in the morning. Slowly she raised her head again. "Can I come in, Severus?" She asked softly.

"Didn't I tell you that we weren't to be more than friends?" His voice faded away as he saw her face in the ray of light that entered the magic window. "Oh, well, this time. But don't expect it to be a habit." He stepped away from the doorway and allowed her to enter.

"Thank you."

Severus closed the door after him and undressed his robe. Hermione's eyes widened as she noticed he was wearing nothing but a pair of boxers.

"What are you looking at, girl? Surely you didn't think I was sleeping in that robe?" Severus smirked, obviously quite amused with her reaction. He slipped into his bed and looked at her questioningly.

Hermione couldn't help but giggle. She suddenly felt so naked where she stood; her nightgown wasn't hiding a lot.

"Are you just going to stand there?" He sighed annoyingly. "Well, if that's how you spend your nights, it's fine with me." 'She looks so small' he thought. Her nightgown was hardly hiding anything and he noticed she was wearing nothing under. 'When she has all her clothes on, she certainly looks like a woman. Now, she's more like a girl who's afraid of the dark. But she's still the shape of a woman. Just not the waist. Gods, she's thin. Very thin. And she's shaking. It's not that cold in here is it?' He thought. "Oh, you come here, silly girl." He muttered and pulled the covering down a bit. He noticed her hesitation but then she made her mind and approached the bed nervously. 'What is she afraid of?'

Hermione placed her comfortable in the bed and pulled the covering up to her chin but she was still shaking like an asp leaf.

"Are you cold?" He whispered, for once his voice was filled with affection to her surprise.

"Yes..." She smiled weakly.

Severus pulled an arm around her thin waist and pulled her closer. He was astonished that she was so small, so vulnerable. Not what he'd expected her to be, but she was still very beautiful. Carefully he hugged her tighter and felt how she snuggled closer. After a couple of minutes he felt her relax, but he noticed she wasn't asleep yet.

"Why can't we be together? What am I doing wrong?" She asked silently, not really expecting him to answer, since she thought he was asleep.

"You're not doing anything wrong, dear. It's just so much that is against us. The code of conduct, Albus and Lord Voldemort for example. You don't want to know what you will have to endure if I bring you to our next meeting. I don't want you to take that risk. It is dangerous to have a relationship with me, I need you to understand. I promise to make it up to you after you've graduated, or after Voldemort has died." Severus explained patiently.  
"I think I understand. But why are you allowing me to sleep in your bed?" She murmured.

"Because I thought you needed it. You looked so vulnerable. Hermione, I am seriously concerned about your health. I don't want to have to force you to eat, but maybe that's the only way?" He pulled down the covering and placed a hand on her stomach. His hand slid over it over and over again, and up to her ribs. He felt her body tense as he touched it. "You're so thin. You really are beautiful, Hermione, but you'd be even more beautiful if you gained a few pounds. There's no flesh here."  
"I'm not that thin, it just looks so through the nightgown." She whispered and smiled as her body relaxed when she felt that his hands wouldn't do it any harm. "Take a look."

"You're not wearing anything under." He hesitated.

"I know." She said confidently.

Slowly he pulled her nightgown up and uncovered her stomach. He smiled as he saw it raise and lower when she breathed. His hands caressed her stomach and he watched it for a few seconds but then his eyes went down to her lower regions and continued along her legs. "You really are beautiful." He murmured honestly and started to pull her nightgown down again.

"No, not yet." She objected. "Touch me, there. Please."  
"Where?" Severus stopped in his movements.

"You know where…" She said and looked into his dark eyes.

"Hermione, I can't." He protested, frowning.

"I want you to. Please." She begged.

Carefully, his fingers began to wander away from her stomach, making their way to her genital area. Softly he allowed two fingers to slip over her vagina and to his surprise, she didn't move away from him. In fact, her whole body signalled that it wanted to be touched more by his long fingers. He slipped one finger into her vagina and noticed that she was wet.

'Because of me? Unbelievable' Severus thought. Her skin was really soft and warm. He bent down and kissed her belly, not knowing if he dared to taste her. Her whole body was shivering of pleasure, he noticed happily. Severus let another finger slip into her now and penetrated her with two fingers. She started moaning slightly and really seemed to enjoy his movements. Carefully he broke his contact with her lower regions and pulled her nightgown down again, with a small smile playing on his lips. He bent over her and kissed her on her lips and his smile widened.

"Thank you." She murmured.

"My pleasure." He grinned and pulled the covering over them. "You better sleep now, Hermione. Time's four o'clock in the morning."

"You're right. You better go to sleep as well." She said, her eyes twinkling with happiness.

"I'm fine. I'm used to sleep only a few hours. But you need your beauty sleep."

"You need to sleep as well." She giggled but stopped as she saw his glance. "Okay, you're right. Good night, then."

"Good night, my beauty." Severus kissed on the forehead and sighed happily.


	23. No chapter, just an update, sorry

Hi everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews... Yeah, I know the last chapter was a bit odd, and yes, Hermione is too young... Anyway, I'll make her older ;) lol At least I'm working on it...

Um, the thing is that my computer isn't working normally, so I'll have it fixed, and that means that I won't be able to write for this story (probably not) till I've got my computer back, which can be in a couple of days or a couple of weeks.. I'm so sorry but I hope you'll be waiting…

Andrea xxx


	24. Chapter 22

**Hi! Now my computer is all right! Yippeee! lol Um well I'm going away for summer on Friday, so I don't think I'll be able to post anything until August... sorry. But I might be posting up another chapter tomorrow. :)**

**Also I've noticed the the symbol for percent doesn't work here.. so that's why it sometimes says "I'm almost 100 sure.. blah blah" **

**Thank you so much for the reviews, it matters so much to me, otherwise I wouldn't continue this story.**

**I'd love to hear what you want/think will happen in this story, as I've almost run out of ideas.**

Princess Kalye: Yes, I know he's strange, but I prefer him this way. Hmm maybe I should think of getting a beta reader... it's not a bad idea.

MsHellFire2005: lol that sounds good to me:)

BabyRuth15: aww that's too bad.. actually, it was one of my harddisks that was broke..

Lindasweden: oh tack:) roligt med en svensk läsare som kommenterar!

**Huge thanks to everyone else that reviewed but didn't get an answer... so nice to read that you like my story!**

**Have a good summer everyone! **

**Andrea xxx**

**Chapter 22 – You raise me up to more than I can bear**

There are two kinds of people, there are those that face their fears and there are those that hide from them. Severus Snape was that kind of person that rather hid from them than facing them. He thought it was much easier though he knew that he would have to face them some time later. Normally, it wasn't a tough thing for him to run away from it, but today it seemed really difficult.  
As usually, he woke up before dawn and found, to his great surprise, that Hermione was lying next to him. Severus blinked a couple of times, trying to remember why she was here.

'Oh right. She said she couldn't sleep. And she wanted me to…fuck! For Merlin's sake, how on earth could I do that to her? She's only 16! For the love of God, what am I supposed to do now? Shit.' Severus thoughts made him feel really guilty about himself.

'You know, she may be 16 years old, but she's way more mature than that and you know it. Look at her; doesn't she look like a woman?' Another voice said in Severus' head.

"Indeed she does." He murmured with a small smile playing on his lips. Merlin knew that he had to keep a distance between then, but it seemed so hard. It was obvious that she had enjoyed last night's happenings. "But she's still not of age. Hermione, I can't." He whispered, brushing his lips against hers and then getting off the bed.  
Five minutes later he was dressed in his usual studying robes. He carried Hermione in his arms in to her own room and allowed her to sleep. Carefully, he pulled up the cover to her shoulders and struck a couple of hairs out of her eyes. As he felt her going cold, he pulled up the bedspread over her as well.

When he got out of Hermione's room, he heard a 'pop' from the fireplace. A couple of seconds later, Lucius Malfoy's head turned up in the flames. Severus approached the fireplace and gestured to Lucius that he was to be quiet.

"Good morning, Lucius. Please be quiet, because the mudblood is sleeping next to this room and I don't want her to run into you. What has brought you here?" Severus hissed and frowned.

"I see. I just wanted to invite you over for breakfast. You'll be back before she awakes, I promise." Lucius smirked, noticing that he made Severus uncomfortable.  
"Alright, I'm coming. Give me ten minutes and I'll be there."  
"Good. See you then!" Lucius' head disappeared and Severus breathed out.

"Bloody hell." Severus cursed and grabbed a bit of parchment and a pencil from the desk.

In a sloppy handwriting, he quickly wrote a letter to Hermione.

_Miss Granger,_

_I am truly sorry for what I did last night…I don't know what made me do it. Oh, well, I do – you made me do it. I know there is no excuse for what I did, taking advantage of a vulnerable woman. I know I can't control this anymore. Only letting you in to my bedroom was a mistake. I'm really sorry for what I did. I'm going to talk to Albus about you moving to Minerva. Once again, I'm sorry. _

_You are a beautiful woman but I can't take advantage of you like this. It's not fair. You are, and will always, be a woman to me but there's still the fact that you're not of age. And no, I am not saying this because you are young; I just want you to understand me._

_Malfoy Senior decided to invite me over for breakfast and that's why I will be gone when you awake. Please remain in my quarters until I return, because you are safe here. I'll be back soon. Do not tell anyone where I've gone, only Albus. If someone is coming, just tell them that you want to talk to Albus. Do not leave my quarters._

_Your professor, S. Snape_

Quietly Severus entered Hermione's room and placed the parchment beside her pillow. He breathed in the scent of the room and smiled. There's nothing like the scent of a woman's. Once again, he noticed how beautiful Hermione was. Once again, he hated himself for thinking those thoughts about a student. As always, he thought there were many reasons to hate himself. Or rather, despise himself. He didn't loath himself…only despised, he decided. No one was harder on Severus Snape than he was himself.

Five minutes later he arrived at the Malfoy Manor. One of the house elves greeted him and told him that the Malfoy's were waiting for him in the lounge. He nodded curtly as an answer and then made his way to the lounge with his robes billowing after him.

The sunlight streamed in through the big windows in the lounge. There was a great view over the huge fields that belonged to the Malfoy's. Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy were sitting in the sky-blue sofa.

"Good Morning, Severus. How are you?" Narcissa greeted smoothly. She rose and gave Severus a small peck on the cheek which Severus barely answered.

"Severus. How nice of you to accept my invitation." Lucius stated, smiling coldly.

"Good Morning, Narcissa. I am just as well as ever, thank you." He lied. "How have you been lately? Hi, Lucius." Severus nodded to the other man.

"Oh everything's great. Have a seat. I'll leave so you to can discuss the important matters Lucius wanted to. There's tea over there." The woman smiled once again at Severus and then left the room.

"Okay, let's get over with this quickly. I am in a hurry." Severus muttered and took a sip of the tea in front of him.

"Not so quickly, my friend. Care for some food?" Lucius smirked, satisfied.

"No, thank you. What did you want to discuss?" Severus straightened himself up and gave Lucius one of his ice cold glances.

"Why, why? Oh well, I understand you want to get back. I wanted to discuss that Granger girl. Well, you know our Lord is very interested in her." He sipped on his tea and allowed to words to hang in the air.

"Yes, thank you for stating the obvious." Severus said curtly.

"Do you know why?"

"I have my theories, but I don't see why they are any of your business, Lucius." Severus smirked, really satisfied with Lucius' reaction.

"Oh come on. We've been friends for so long. Well, I suppose you know about her powers. As you surely know, she's the only living heir of Salazar Slytherin himself, except for our lord. She has very important powers…very important powers." Lucius repeated with emphasis on powers.

"Yes. That's understandable." Severus tried hard not to show Lucius his surprised reaction. He had never known that about Hermione.

"Our Lord wants her on our side, but, you know he won't accept her unmarried. I'd say we need to get her married with a good son. One like mine. Draco has shown interest in her and I'm sure they'd made a fine couple. What do you think?"

"Yes, probably, but Miss Granger would never want to work for us. Also, I can assure you that she would not approve of a marriage with your son. They have one and a half year left at Hogwarts; we couldn't get them married before that anyway."  
"You don't want her on our side?" Lucius asked curtly.

"Don't get me wrong, friend. I do. But I think we should wait until after her graduation. By then she'll be cleverer and therefore of better use for us." Severus said as a matter of fact.

"You might be right…First I thought you were kidding me." Lucius laughed dryly.


	25. No chapter just updating u sorry

h

Hi sorry there hasnt bin a new chapter up for so long, but im not at home.. thats why.. anyway, i just wanted to tell u that ive read the HBP by now, and I'm going to continue this story as before I read the book, ignoring what happened in the HBP:.. (tho how much i hate snape right now...) hope ure ok with it... im going to the uk in three days, and will be home in the middle of august, that is when i will continue this story.. the next chapter was almost finished when i left home.. (now im at my countryhouse).. hope u all have a great summer and thanks for all lovely reviews! also thanks to my new beta reader (u know who u are), really sorry i didnt answer ur email but my coputer was troubled when i tried, and for some reason i can only sign in to that email from my computer at home.. anyway.. enjoy ur summer! i do.. take care all of u and many hugs to u.. andrea xxx 


	26. Chapter 23

_Hiya!_

_Thanks everyone who has been waiting patiently for this chapter. I am now back in Stockholm and back to my computer. :P I tried to make this chapter a little bit longer than the others as a thank you to those who have been waiting.. lol Umm.. well, I am not going to change this story because of the Half-blood Prince, so it's still like it was before. Hopefully my writing will be a little bit better than before, since I have spent the last three weeks in England, learning English.. _

_My Beta-reader, my e-mail broke down, or at least my inbox did, so please write your e-mail again for me. I'm sorry. _

_Have fun! Love, Andrea_

**Chapter 23 – Destruction**

Tears entered Hermione's eyes when she read the letter from Severus. She could kill herself for what she'd done. Of course she must have done _something _wrong, she thought. But what?

She felt like she was being eaten up from within by moths. Unlike most others, this wasn't a new feeling to Hermione. She was well used to it and unfortunately she only saw one solution to it. _Self-destruction._

"Your Professor…" The young woman mused. "See, he thinks he's only a professor to me. Who does he think he can fool?" She continued, now in a harsh voice much unlike her own.

Hermione entered her room and went to the bottom of her lingerie in the drawer. She fumbled for a couple of seconds and then found what she was looking for. A razor-blade. Only seconds later she found herself on the floor in the bathroom, ready to hurt herself. She hesitated with the blade and then rose. When she returned to the bathroom she had a notebook and a pencil with her. Without thinking twice she wrote down her favourite muggle-song – _Welcome to my life _by_ Simple Plan._

Do you ever feel like breaking down? Do you ever feel out of place?

Like somehow you just don't belong, and no one understands you.

Do you ever want to run away? Do you lock yourself in your room?

With the radio on turned up so loud, that no one hears you screaming

No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright.

You don't know what it's like to be like me.

To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.

To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.

To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you

No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else? Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate? Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies, while deep inside you're bleeding.

No, you don't know what it's like, when nothing feels alright.

You don't know what it's like to be like me.

To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.

To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.

To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you

No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life.

No one ever lied straight to your face and no one ever stabbed you in the back.

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be ok.

Everybody always gave you what you wanted, you never had to work

It was always there. You don't know what it's like…

To be hurt, to feel lost. To be left out in the dark.

To be kicked when you're down. To feel like you've been pushed around.

To be on the edge of breaking down and no one's there to save you

No, you don't know what it's like. Welcome to my life

Tears landed silently at the paper as she wrote. When she'd finished, she undressed her t-shirt and raised the razor blade. Without blinking she cut herself four times in her left arm and watched the blood land on the floor. Her eyelashes were soaked of tears and she closed her eyes and lay down on the floor. Everything was just spinning around in her head, spinning faster and faster.

The worst of it was that she knew she just did it to get attention. Hermione didn't want to die. She just wanted to escape. Escape from the world she hated and despised.

Severus arrived in the living room and called immediately for Hermione. No answer. His breath became more and more stressed and his steps became longer for each step. He didn't find her in her room, nor in any other of the rooms. _The bathroom. _

"Hermione, it's me, are you in there?" Severus called. He knocked on the door with his tenses fists. The voice in his head kept telling him that something was terribly wrong. "Hermione? Please answer me." He panted and knocked again.

Suddenly he heard a low moan from the bath room and he sighed relieved.

"Can I come in?" He called through the closed door.

When she didn't answer, he made up his mind and opened the door. The view was terrible. Hermione lay in the middle of the room on her left side and held a razorblade in her right hand. The whole room smelled blood and she could see where it was from. Next to her, there was a paper with something written on it. In two quick seconds he was next to her, taking her pulse. Thankfully, she breathed regularly. Severus lifted her up and carried her to the living room and placed her in the coach. He placed his hands on the injury and concentrated hard. Suddenly his hands started glowing in a golden shade and sparkles travelled from his hands to her wounds and placed it selves in the open wounds. After a couple of minutes, the wounds were healed thanks to Severus' healing powers.

Hermione started to breath normally and she opened her eyes. The room bathed in light and everything seemed just so easy for a couple of seconds. She found Severus reading the text she'd written down earlier that day. Her eyes filled with tears as she saw his sad reaction. She buried her head in her lap and tried to shut out her feelings.

Severus frowned at the text, he didn't really get it. Was it a poem? Or maybe some kind of lyrics… He approached Hermione and sat down next to her in the sofa. Carefully he struck her hair and pulled her into a friendly hug which she answered.

"Are you ok?" He whispered into her ear.

"Physically, yes. Mentally, no." She murmured.

"I know…" He pulled her even closer. "That thing you wrote, is it a poem?"

"No, it's a song. I love it. That's what I feel like."

"Well, it describes me pretty well too. At least how I used to be."

"Yeah, I guess." She sighed of fatigue.

"You know, it cannot continue like this, we cannot continue like this. Some happenings have changed everything." He tried to stay calm, but his eyes betrayed him.

"What are you talking about?" She whispered worriedly.

"Hermione, you've lived in a world of lies. Mr and Mrs Granger are not your parents. You are not muggleborn. You are one of the two living heirs of Salazar Slytherin. I didn't know, I swear. Lucius told me. The Dark Lord wants you, but he wants you married. You could even be forced to marry someone." Severus spoke very fast, as though he hoped that Hermione wouldn't understand.

"Are you kidding me?" Hermione spat out. "For fuck's sake, why didn't anyone tell me? How the hell could they lie to me all these years?" She pulled away from Severus and curled up with her arms around her legs.

"I'm sorry for you, I really am. I don't know if Albus knows. Probably he does… We have to go to his office now, because we really need to discuss this." He rose and went out of his quarters with Hermione behind him.

"Come in my dears, have a seat." The Headmaster greeted them with his normal cheery voice. The atmosphere in his office was dull and the air felt very old, which wasn't normal.

"Albus, we have some serious matters to discuss." Severus began and waited for Albus' to say something.

"Go on, son."

"Did you know that Hermione is one of the two living heirs of Salazar Slytherin?"

Albus thought for a couple of seconds and then frowned. "Who told you?"

"Lucius Malfoy. The Dark Lord knows, which means she's in greater danger than we ever thought. Lucius invited me over for breakfast today, mainly to discuss her. The Dark Lord wants her, but he wants her married."

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. So you knew…" Hermione said and glared at the headmaster, her eyes were furious. "I just can't believe it. That no one ever told me."

"I apologize, but I thought it was better that no one knew. It would be so dangerous if Voldemort found out, which he apparently has. I am truly sorry if it made you upset, but I did what I thought was the best for you." The Headmaster looked very tired and his eyes very sad, it was obvious that he didn't like the situation.

"Who are my parents? Are they alive?" Normally the young woman looked at the old man with admire, but now it was replaced with despise.

Severus remained silent, he didn't want to be involved in the situation but he felt truly sad for Hermione. He didn't want anyone to experience what she was going through right now.

"You are the heir of an ancient wizard family, which is descent of Salazar Slytherin's second wife's child. Your true family name is Beaumont since Salazar Slytherin's child chose to take the name of his mother Christina Beaumont. Your parents were Mary and Jonathan Beaumont. All relatives of your family were servants of Voldemort for 14 years ago, except for your mother, Mary. She refused to give in to Voldemort, although her husband, your father wanted her to. Once, when you were about two years old, you were visiting your grandparents while Jonathan brought your mother to Voldemort. She still refused and she killed herself in front of Voldemort. Your father was later killed by Voldemort, after he'd done some grave mistakes. What's even stranger is that Voldemort didn't know of your existence. A friend of mine knew your grandparents; she knew Mr and Mrs Granger too and knew how dearly they wanted a child, so they adopted you. I think that they reason that Voldemort found out about your true origin is because you've proved to be such a great witch. I am sorry to say that all your true relatives were killed by aurors during the war." Albus glanced at Hermione with his blue eyes.

"Mary Beaumont, the great potions mistress? Was she my mother? She's mentioned in quite a few books I've read." Hermione's eyes were big of surprise.

"Yes, that's correct." Severus chipped in.

Hermione eyed both Albus and Severus and suddenly burst into tears. "I just can't believe that no one told me." She mumbled over and over again through the tears. The man sitting next to her mumbled something and then put his arm around her shoulders and caressed her hair.

"Now, you're in more danger than I ever thought you were. We need to think of something drastically. It's no good that he knows… no good…" Albus said and watched the two people in front of him.

"Shut up, you old man!" Severus hissed. "Can't you understand what you have just told her? I wouldn't think you would've liked to be told something like this at her age. You don't care about anyone, just your own honour. I'm sick of being used by you. Do you have any idea of what you've been putting me through for years? Do you know what's happening to your students straight under your nose? Do you even care? No, I don't think so. Why would you? You don't care about anyone!"

Hermione had never seen Severus this angry with anyone, not even with Harry. The Headmaster looked slightly shocked as he took in the words.

"I am sorry if that is how you feel about me. I have been trying to ask you how you feel and what you have to do during the meetings but you refuse to tell me. About the students, is there any special student you are pointing at? If you think that I don't care about you, then I've obviously failed you more than I thought. You are and have always been like the son I've never had, but during the last years you've been hiding more than ever. I am not blaming you for anything, I understand that you don't like your life, but please don't think that I don't care about you because I do." Albus voice shook slightly and he looked as he spoke from his heart.

"Don't lie to me, I told you what I've been through, once you even forced it out of me by Veritaserum. Yes, I'm thinking of one special student, she's sitting right in front of you. This morning, she almost killed herself. She has been fainting quite a lot of times lately; don't you see how she feels? You even think she would handle this as well as anything. She's not a girl anymore, but that doesn't mean that she can handle everything. Look at her; do you think she's happy?" Severus looked at Hermione with affection. Suddenly he rose and bent down and kissed Hermione in front of the headmaster's surprised face. To the headmaster's even greater surprise, the young woman rose and embraced her teacher. Severus grabbed her hand and together they walked out of the headmaster's office with their heads held high.


	27. Chapter 24

_Hi everyone!  
I'm so grateful for the reviews! I've 110 now :D yippeee lol_

_I'm sorry this chapter is so short but my school started last Monday and I've already got loads of homework. I've also started writing a novel, and another SS/HG fiction which hopefully will be better and less out of character.. :P_

_take care_

_andrea xxx_

**Chapter 24 – Happiness**

Severus scowled as he entered his bedroom. He was sick of this, sick of almost everything. The air in his room was musty, very similar to his present feeling. By a habit, he hung his robe on the hanger and put the rest of his clothes inside the wardrobe. Inside his head, he felt everything toss and turn which made it impossible for him to fall asleep when he had gotten into the bed. The feelings he had for the Headmaster were very different. From somewhere inside, he had always felt that Albus cared for him, but during the last months, the feeling had paled. In some other place he felt that Albus had failed him, he hadn't even noticed how he had changed over the last years. Or at least, Albus hadn't said anything about it.

Severus felt it as though he was torn apart, on one side he had Hermione, who obviously cared for him, and on the other side he had Albus. And worst of it, he felt as though he had made them both very disappointed in him.

When he realised that he wouldn't get any sleep, he put on his robe and went out to the living room. He pulled out one of his favourite books, _The Lord of the Rings_, and opened it. It was ages ago since he had read this one for the very first time. Unfortunately, not even Frodo and his tale appealed to Severus that moment. Frustrated, he shut the book and replaced it in the book case. Instead he made himself some coffee and almost choked when he tasted it. It was even more horrible than usual.

Whatever things Severus tried to concentrate on, he failed. What was even worse, he didn't know any solution to his problem. He felt as though he was walking around in a thick fog, where he could barely see his own hands.

Two hours later he was still sitting in the couch, now holding a pencil and a piece of parchment. He tried to write something down, but was too distracted to even see what he had written.

Many sighs later, he decided to go and check on Hermione. As quiet as possible he opened the door to her room and was very surprised when he found her sitting at her bed, meeting his eyes. After giving her a slight nod he sat down next to her, waiting for any reaction.

Slowly she raised her hand and caressed his cheek. She remained silent and Severus was very grateful for that.

Trying to calm himself down, he ran his hands through his hair time after time, until Hermione grasped them and held them inside hers, feeling the unusual coldness in his body.

She moved closer to him and awaited a reaction. As expected, he pulled away a bit and leaned on the wall. One more time, she approached him and this time he allowed her breath to caress his neck. Gently she began to untie the knot on his robe and slowly she pulled it off him without noticing any other reaction than the fear in his eyes. She wasn't surprised when she noticed that he was naked under the robe, but she realised that he didn't seem to mind. Her hands were placed on his abdomen and she touched it very lightly with circulating movements.

Severus shivered under her touch and gave in to her. Carefully, he lifted her hands and kissed them softly and then placed them on his hips. He closed his eyes for a couple of seconds and enjoyed her touch and her scent. When he felt her soft hands leave his body he opened his eyes again and turned to look at her.

Hermione smiled gently as she undressed her night-gown and then pulled away the cover from the bed. She waited for Severus to lie down and then she joined him, pulling the cover over them. Her smile widened when she felt him wrap his hands around her thin body. Naturally, she responded by doing to same. Not much longer they fell asleep in each others arms.

The first thing that came to Severus' mind when he woke up was safety. First he didn't know

where he was and he didn't really care because he felt so good. It was ages ago since he had woke up feeling like this. Next to his body he felt something warm and he snuggled closer to it. Suddenly his shoulder was touched by thick hair and he opened his eyes. When he found that it was Hermione, he smiled happily for the first time in many years.

"Good morning, love." He murmured against her neck.

"Morning, sexy." Hermione whispered back and touched his lower back gently. Her smile widened as she saw Severus smiling at her. She always found him beautiful when he did so.

Severus closed his eyes again and enjoyed the lovely feeling of being close to another human, something he hadn't felt for years. For the first time in ages, he actually allowed himself to open up and feel happy.


	28. Chapter 25

**Hiya!**

thanks every1 for your reviews!

also a special thanks to my beta reader, mshellfire2005 :)

have fun!

xxxxx

**Chapter 25 – Everyone has a story**

Hermione shivered a little as she entered the Headmaster's office. She had awoken just half an hour ago and was far from ready to encounter the Headmaster.

"Good morning, Miss Granger, Hermione. I think you know why you are here." Albus greeted her with his usual cheery voice although his eyes didn't reflect the same joy.

"Yes, headmaster." Hermione tried to keep her voice steady.

"I hope that you are not upset with me because of what I told you yesterday." He started.

"How do you expect me not to be?" Hermione looked straight into the elderly man's eyes with all the dignity she had. "As Severus expressed himself clearly yesterday, I am not a little girl anymore, but that doesn't mean that I will love to be told such things. I am so amazed that you kept it for yourself." The looked she gave him was filled with disappointment. "I am not upset with you; I am just disappointed in you." She added with a very mature voice.

"I understand that thoroughly. But still, I thought it for your own best. However, I didn't want to talk to you because of that."  
"I see, Sir." She chipped in.

"I want you to listen now, without any interruptions."  
"Yes." Hermione nodded to him to continue.

"I have known Severus since he was a little child. He has had one of the toughest growths I know. As I'm sure you know, both his parents were servants of Voldemort. Everyone in his family, including cousins, wanted to become a death-eater. That includes Severus, in the beginning. He was raised as a death-eater son, very much like Draco Malfoy and you can see in which direction he's heading. What's worth mentioning though is that Severus had a sister, Megan, who refused to give in to Voldemort. Severus joined Voldemort when he was 16 and as early as the age of 18, he realised that he didn't want to continue working for him. That was the same year that Megan was killed by Voldemort. Severus was devastated when he came to me that night. The only kind person in his life was killed. He had been trained to hate his entire life and the only person that showed him something else was Megan. You could imagine the feeling of losing the only person that you love. I persuaded Severus that there still were people wanting him alive and I got him working as a spy for the Order. I think that he felt that he wanted to make up for all the bad things he had done through the two years as a servant of Voldemort. When Severus was 20 I offered him the place as potions teacher and three years later he became head of house for Slytherin. We mustn't forget that he has always worked double, since then. For the past 21 years, Severus has worked as a professor here. He has managed to work as a spy for the order, as well as a spy for Voldemort in the same time he was a full time teacher and head of house here. And he has done it excellent. I can't find a more honourable man than Severus." Albus paused to take a long breath and to let the words sink in. "Since that night when Severus came to me, 23 years ago, he has never really opened up. I honestly don't think that he allowed himself to have feelings. I don't think he even wanted to feel. He shut the whole world out. The last five years, I haven't even got to know what's been happening on the death-eater meetings. The only thing he told me was the main news. He hasn't told me, probably he was ashamed. I have noticed that Severus has been on the edge to death for several years now. I have tried to explain to him that I care for him but he doesn't seem to understand. He's been pushing me away for years. You have noticed that he has been losing weight during the last year, have you not?" The professor asked her with his usual calm voice.

"Yes, I have…" She answered quietly, thinking of Severus thin upper body.

"Then, when this term started, I wanted him to be your guardian. I knew he would take on the job and do it with perfection. What I didn't know was that his thirst for love was even bigger than I expected. I am certain that he tried to play it straight but his feelings were denying him for the first time in years. He felt something that he had never felt this strong before and you gave it to him. Pure love. I think you both were in a need for it. What I didn't expect was that Severus would allow himself to feel it. You've done an excellent work with him. He wants to live again." Albus smiled warmly. "But, Hermione, you are young. You are 16, not of age and you're a student at this school. I simply can't allow a relationship between a teacher and a student. I don't want Severus to be hurt when you turn him down after you've found someone younger than him. Probably that will be soon. I think it's for the best that you two finish this now, before he will be really hurt." The headmaster became silent.

"Professor, I don't think you understand. I am grateful that you told me all this, but actually Severus has already told me about it. I understand what he has been through. I understand what it's like feeling that no one cares." Hermione spoke quietly but with dignity.

"He told you?" The professor said disbelievingly.

"Yes, he did. He has told me what he has done. I can't say I know everything about Severus, far from but he has told me some of it. Severus and I have more in common that you'd ever imagine. I'm not going to leave him for some stupid 25-year old. I want only Severus and you know it. Please don't tell me what I'm going to or not going to. I do respect you and the school hence the code of conduct. I understand that I am to be expelled and I accept the punishment. I'd do anything to continue my education here at Hogwarts, but if that means that I'll be separated from Severus, I refuse. Severus means more to me than anyone has ever done. Professor, I do know that there are 25 years between Severus and me, but you know as well as I do that that isn't a lot in the wizarding world. I know I will turn 16 soon, I still call the 19th my birthday, although I'm already older than 16. As you told me one year ago, I will turn 17 on Mars 28th, due to the use of my time-turner in my third year. I'll be of age in six months." She made a short pause. "I am not claiming that a relationship between a student and a teacher is acceptable. I just want you to understand that I am not going to leave Severus." Hermione finished with emphasis on the last sentence. She didn't know how this was going to end, but at least she knew that she still had her dignity.

"Speaking like an adult, Hermione." Albus said warmly. He leaned forward and squeezed her hand. "I suppose I have to thank Severus for having you here today. You saved each other, didn't you?" He let go of her hand and leaned back again. "I am willing to oversee you, which means that you will continue your education here and Severus will continue working as teacher of potions. You may continue what you've started but in absolute secret. If anyone discovers you, I'm afraid I will have to expel you and discharge Severus. I mean it."  
"Thank you professor. I can't express how grateful I am." Hermione smiled happily and almost hugged the headmaster.

"It's alright, dear. You may leave." Albus smiled slightly in response.

"Sir, I just wanted to ask you something. Why do you force Severus to be a spy for you? Don't you see that it's going to break him and you also put him in great danger every time he leaves for a meeting? Do you even know that some of his injuries are chronic?" Hermione's face darkened as she talked.

"I have tried to explain that I don't want him to go through it, but he insisted. If you could persuade him to leave Voldemort, I'd be grateful. If he remains here at Hogwarts, I think he would be safe." The headmaster looked sadly at Hermione. "Was that all?"  
"Yes, thank you." She nodded and left the room, feeling very confused. Her feelings were mixed, both sad and happy. She felt sorry for the impression Severus had about Albus and vice versa. Naturally, she felt happy that she would be allowed to continue both her studies and her relationship with her professor. To sort out her feelings, she decided she needed a hot bath so she walked down to Severus' quarters.


	29. Update, no chapter

Hey there

Im sorry there hasnt been any update lately but i have been really busy with school.

Anyone who's good at French, please contact me at there is a thing with the next chapter that id like to be translated into French.

Hope ure alright

Take care

Andrea xxx


	30. Chapter 30

**Hey**

**I'm sorry it has been so long since I last updated but, truth to be told, I just haven't had time to write. I know this is short, and it's only half a chapter. The B-part will come later. Thanks for your patience and also thanks to Eugénie Plamondon who translated the letter into French.**

**Enjoy,**

**Andrea**

**Chapter 26 A – Upside down **

Back in Severus' quarters, she found him reading a letter. A strange looking owl was sitting next to him, waiting for him to write a reply.

"Who's that from?" Hermione asked curiously.

"A friend of Albus. Since it's not only my business, please read it." He handed her the letter.

_Cher Professeur Snape et Miss Granger,_

_Mon nom est Jean Fouillat et je suis un ami d'Albus Dumbledore. Albus vient de me dire que vous n'êtes plus en sécurité dans son école et sur sa demande, je vous invite chez moi pour quelque temps. J'habite en France, mais je suis présentement dans ma maison en Angleterre. Mon anglais n'est plus ce qu'il était, c'est pourquoi je vous écris en français, j'espère que vous comprenez. S'il vous plait, dites-moi quand vous arriverez. Albus vous a préparé un portoloin qui vous transportera chez moi, à Surrey._

_Bien à vous,_

_Jean Fouillat_

"We're gonna move to this man? Why?" Hermione said, astonished.

"Because it is not safe for us here, especially not for you as Voldemort obviously wants you. I am a bit concerned about my classes but except for that, I believe this is a good suggestion. I hope you're okay with that?" Severus explained slowly.

"Yeah, sure. As far as you're there with me." She smiled shyly.

"Good, my skills in writing in French are not what they used to be. I can still talk perfectly, but not write. I'll ask Albus to write an answer to tell Mr Fouillat that we will arrive tomorrow evening. Let's just hope that he has got a nice house." He smirked and grabbed a pencil and a piece of parchment.

_Albus,_

_Please tell Mr Fouillat that we accept his invitation and will arrive tomorrow. _

_S.S. _

Severus waved his wand and whispered something and the letter vanished.

"Let's pack, shall we?"

Those of you who do not understand French, here comes the translation:

_Dear Professor Snape and Miss Granger,_

My name is Jean Fouillat and I am a friend of Albus Dumbledore. Albus has told me you are not safe at his school and it is upon his request that you two come and live with me for a while. I live in France, but I have a house in England as well, that's where I live now. My English is not what it used to be, that is why I write in French, I hope you understand. Please send me a reply and tell me when you will arrive. Albus has got a portkey that will take you to my house, which is in Surrey.

Yours sincerely,  
Jean Fouillat


End file.
